Welcome to Television Turmoil, a new feature in which I mock some of the worst TV currently on the airwaves. Today’s target: AMC’s new restaurant/crime/whatever the hell else they feel like adding in drama, Feed The Beast.
There aren’t too many shows that focus on the restaurant business, probably because, outside of a screwball comedy focusing on the staff, there isn’t much you can do with a restaurant especially if you’re trying to mine it for drama. While Feed The Beast purports to be a show about two friends (a loose term given the animosity they seem to have for one another) opening a restaurant together the establishment itself is a second thought, it’s there only to have a goal for our protagonists to struggle to reach.
Instead, Feed The Beast attempts to pride itself on it’s character dynamics, something that might actually work if any of the people on the show could be described as an actual character and not a sentient object given a tragic backstory. There’s Tommy Moran, played by David Schwimmer, attempting to cash in on his recent American Crime Story run, who is a sad sack deep in depression after his wife’s passing in a car accident. Don’t worry if you forget that detail because it will be brought up in every other scene. Then there’s Tommy’s old pal, Dion (Jim Sturgess,) recently released from prison, where he went after burning down the restaurant they worked at. Why, you might ask? Because he got too high on cocaine and now he owes money to the mob because of it.
Alright, let’s take a quick second to breath because I imagine you all got whiplash from how fast that element got introduced to this review. That is nothing compared to how quickly it is thrown into the show. Before we even get Schwimmer and Sturgess planning their restaurant we get this crime boss, played by Michael Gladis, the closest comparison this show will ever have to Mad Men, showing up and looking to take some teeth from Dion. Why teeth? Because he is “The Tooth Fairy” and maybe it’s just that I’ve watched too much of The Sopranos but unless the mafia has gotten really progressive in the last few years I don’t think any self respecting mob boss would take a nickname with the word “fairy” in it. Regardless, he wants Dion to pay up and when he can’t he reluctantly decides to have him open up a new restaurant. Why doesn’t he just kill him? Because this is a TV show and that should be the only explanation necessary.
Okay, so we’ve added organized crime to this show what else could we add to this veritable stew of bad television? Oh, how about daddy issues! You see Tommy has a dad that he doesn’t talk to because he’s a horrible racist who didn’t like Tommy marrying a black woman. If you’re worried about not getting to see Tommy’s dad go on racist tirades simply for shock value fear not, he wastes no time going right into one in his first appearance. That isn’t the only character suffering from daddy problems either, as the “Tooth Fairy” has regular phone calls with his father, who is in prison and dislikes the way his son handles the family business. Why do we care about this? Ah, that’s a trick question, we don’t care about any of this because it’s all too much to take in.
I watched four episodes of Feed The Beast for this segment and everything I’ve described so far happened in the pilot. The show gives you no time to rest like a chef too eager to impress it simply fills you with more and more until you are overstuffed and unable to enjoy anything else they offer you.
To breeze through some other things, Tommy has a son who is a mute and is getting bullied in school. There is a cop who wants Dion to help him take down “The Tooth Fairy” and then there’s the female characters.
The fact that I’m 3/4ths of the way through this review and have yet to mention a single living female character should tell you all you need to know about the show’s treatment of it’s women. The show’s females range from the irritating, Lorenza Izzo’s Pilar who helps the duo open up their restaurant because she is interested in Tommy, to the aggravating, Dion’s lawyer, who he is having sex with within a minute of her appearance, to the downright baffling, the school counselor who seems concerned for Tommy’s son but also oblivious to everything going on around her.
Feed The Beast attempts to serve up an irresistible dish of drama that will make you tune in week to week but instead gives you a half-cooked plate with so many ingredients that even Guy Fieri would cry foul if forced to eat it.
Jesse Swanson is a would-be writer, podcaster and funny guy who covers TV shows of all shapes and sizes. You can find him on Twitter @JesseSwanson