“Houseguest” starts off as inoffensive. The film follows the travails of one Kevin Franklin (Sinbad), a ne’er do-well with a heart of gold. Kevin grew up as an orphan in Pittsburgh and, now as an adult, is looking for a get-rich quick scheme in order for him to find happiness. He borrows money from the mob to purchase the entire baseball card collection of 1994 in hopes of one the cards becoming rare, therefore profitable. When his time expires and he neglects to reimburse the mob their money (which comes out to fifty grand), he’s stalked by two goons, Joey (Tony Longo) and Pauly (Paul Ben-Victor). Kevin tries to flee their grasp by catching a flight to the Bahamas, but they intercept at the airport, leading to him impersonating a childhood friend of Gary Young (Phil Hartman) and hiding out in his house.
This is where “Houseguest” begins to falter, going from inoffensive to aggravating. The film follows the fish out of water formula, as Kevin pretends to be Dr. Derek Bond (Ron Glass), despite not knowing a single thing about the man, not even his profession. The first shenanigan that Kevin gets involved in is giving a speech at an elementary school for career day, with the gag being that he doesn’t know what Derek’s career is. Luckily for Kevin, a slideshow has been pre-prepared, all of which show disgusting images of dental disasters. Despite this, it takes Kevin awhile for him to realize that Derek’s a dentist. Kevin isn’t the only person in this film who is very dense.
I realize that, with these mistaken identity comedies, there needs to be a reasonable suspension of disbelief in order for them to work; keyword being reasonable. Director Randall Miller doesn’t understand the limits in which an audience can suspend their disbelief. One can suspend their disbelief enough to accept that Gary, who hasn’t seen his childhood friend since summer camp, would accept that Kevin is Derek; one cannot suspend disbelief, however, that Gary, his friends, his family, and everybody else in the vicinity of them would mistake Kevin for Derek for almost the entirety of this two-hour film. Not only should someone at least have the vaguest idea of what Derek looks like, given that he’s a world-renowned dentist, but they should all realize that Kevin doesn’t act like a hard-nosed conservative that Derek is supposed to be. Whenever Kevin is questioned about his career, he stumbles over his words, eventually spouting out incoherent ramblings. The only reason people accept his laidback personality is because he convinced them a shark attack changed his outlook on life. Is everybody in this suburb an idiot? Apparently so, as Derek’s own college professor mistakes Kevin for him, despite the only physical similarities they share is being black. Not only is this professor a dunce, but he’s a racist, too.
I actually thought Miller was going to be clever and take this film in a unique direction. During the aforementioned career day speech, Miller cuts to Gary out in the audience, who gives a disconcerted look as Kevin stumbles through his speech. I truly believed that Gary was seeing through the charade immediately and the rest of the film was going to be him helping out a man in trouble by hiding him in his house. The film could still have the fish out of water/mistaken identity gags, as Gary would have to pass off Kevin as Derek given that the dentist’s appearance is being met by parties and an involvement in a marathon. This would’ve helped curb the suspension of disbelief factor a bit and made the inevitable bonding between Kevin and Gary and his family more authentic and sincere. Instead, Gary is made to be a fool who buys into everything Kevin’s selling. If Kevin really wanted to get rich quick, he’d be smart to con this entire town into buying timeshares.
While the film is definitely becoming irritating, I was still willing to give “Houseguest” a shot. After all, I came in realizing this was going to be a mistaken identity comedy and, despite not being a particular fan of these types of films, I was willing to accept its humor. I was more than willing to accept the predictability of the story. I knew that Kevin would bond with all of the kids, in this case teaching the eleven-year-old son how to play basketball, connecting emotionally to the goth daughter, and striking up a heartwarming friendship with the youngest daughter (whose only purpose in the film is to look cute). I was not only willing to accept all of these clichés, but I was even willing to embrace them. What I didn’t accept, and certainly wasn’t going to accept, was the way in which Kevin would go about his bonding.
When it comes to the young son, Kevin teaches him how to play basketball by challenging a couple of bullies to a five-on-two pickup game; this sounds fine, until it’s revealed that Kevin’s betting Gary’s car in the game. To be fair, that seems like light fare, especially in a farce like this, right? Let’s look at how Kevin bonds with the goth daughter. When he discovers she’s going through a nasty breakup, he consoles her by telling her she’s better than the chump who’s cheating on her and that any guy would be lucky to be with her. Aww, that’s sweet! What’s not sweet is Kevin abducting her ex-boyfriend, driving him onto the train tracks and leaving him there to be run down by the train if he doesn’t agree to apologize to his ex. What the hell is wrong with this man!?!
You may think the youngest daughter got off the hook in relation to Kevin and, in the bonding area, she arguably did. However, she gets put into two horrible situations that could’ve gotten her killed, and both are thanks to Kevin. The first also involves the young son and a gaggle of little ballerinas, as Kevin agrees to man the carpool while Gary and his wife are at work. When Kevin spots the two goons in pursuit of him, he forces the eleven-year-old to drive the car while he hides underneath the passenger seat; in the process, they nearly get into an accident, possibly killing all involved. Later on, the goons finds the Youngs’ home and point a gun at the youngest daughter’s face. One could argue that Kevin technically didn’t put the gun in the child’s face, but he’s responsible for the goons being there. But, we’re supposed to forgive this horrendous situation as the youngest daughter steals the gun from the goon and hilarity is supposed to ensue.
The film is even offensive in its product placement. The film’s biggest sponsor is McDonald’s, so the studio forcefully shoves its presence into the film. At one point, Kevin spots a McDonald’s in town and is so elated by its presence that he gleefully skips towards it, as angelic music blares over the soundtrack. When he enters the building, he is so overcome with joy that he practically orders everything on the menu, only to backtrack when he discovers he doesn’t have enough money to pay for one of everything. Later on, Gary is chomping down on a Big Mac in the park, regaling how the Big Mac takes him back to the innocence of youth. The only thing missing is a “Mac and Me” styled musical number to truly drive home the point: eat at McDonald’s!
Some of the major faults in “Houseguest” would be slightly forgivable if the film were funny, but it’s not. Despite the best efforts of Sinbad & Phil Hartman, barely anything gets a laugh. Kevin naming his hamster Shaft is worth a chuckle; Kevin extracting a patient’s tooth during a dental operation by simply dodging the light that was coming for his head isn’t. Kevin knowing that his friend would rat him out, so he tries to bail on the Youngs for higher ground is slightly amusing; Jeffrey Jones making sexual innuendo during a golf game about washing his balls is not. Poor Phil Hartman doesn’t even get any comedic material, as he has to play it straight the entire time. What a waste of talent!
“Houseguest” may have started out as inoffensive, but it became downright insulting near the end. It’s a shame to see Miller have such lack of respect for the characters that he would throw them under the bus for a simple gag, no matter how ludicrously unfunny that gag is. Everybody in this film is made to look like an idiot, making the audience feel like one for putting up with them. The happy ending isn’t deserved, which is a shame, as I actually thought Sinbad’s portrayal of Kevin was actually sincere; that is until he had to become a sociopath in order for the jokes to work. Too bad the jokes don’t work at all.
Final Rating: D+