The Frozen Envelope’s NBA Midseason Awards

The Frozen Envelope’s NBA Midseason Recap
By Zachary Rettig
Special Thanks: Devonte Stewart (Jay-Z Expert)

“Yo, gather round, hustlers- that’s if you’re still livin’/And get on down to that ol’ Jig rhythm”
~Jay-Z – The Ruler’s Back

Words to live by, no? This Saturday, the NBA’s annual tribute to the lack of shits given about defense kicks off once again. All-Star Weekend festivities take place in Brooklyn, and the game itself in New York. Now ignoring the facts that the Three Point Contest (Kyle Korver, the Splash Bros, Wesley Matthews, defending champion Marco Belinelli, et al) is looking more interesting than the Dunk Contest (Victor Oladipo, Greek Freak, Brooklyn!Plumlee and a sloth pretending to be Zach LaVine), and that James Dolan thinks that calling fans alcoholics and daring them to root the crosstown rival is A-OK (no, really) this also marks the official halfway point of the NBA’s regular season. This is the part of the year where columnists come up with mid-year superlatives, and who would I be to defy tradition? However, with the help of FAN’s very own Magiconz (who writes his own series of articles, the most recent of which can be read here), I’ve come up with my own spin on what’s otherwise a rote, formulaic journalistic exercise…

You know who that is, right? Jay-Z: rap mogul, former minority owner of the Brooklyn Nets, sports agent, possibly richer than God, and almost as famous? Well, given that All-Star Weekend’s in his backyard this year, what better way to run down some entirely-subjective awards than to theme them after each of Hova’s albums? Now his three best albums are generally acknowledged to be Reasonable Doubt (his debut), The Blueprint (probably his magnum opus), andThe Black Album (depending on your opinions, maybe his last great album): as such, those three will represent Rookie of the Year, MVP, and Coach of the Year respectively. Naturally, we’ll be saving those for last, so in time-honored “point and laugh” tradition, let’s start with the negative awards and peer at the darker side of Jigga’s discography:

The Magna Carta…Holy Grail Award for Biggest Disappointment

Jay’s most recent album, MGHC was given a hype campaign befitting a new release from Hova, and even went platinum before it was released. Surely this album would represent a return to form, right? Well…it didn’t quite work out that way. Opinions on Holy Grail range from “Mediocre, has its moments” to “dreadful, Jay’s worst in years”, which makes it the perfect record to represent the biggest disappointment of this year’s campaign.

Lance Stephenson captured the hearts and imaginations of the sports media at large last year with his antics in the Eastern Conference Finals (blowing in LeBron’s ear, flopping like he just got shot, etc.), and put up career-best stats in every category except for free throw shooting. This carried to the playoffs, and Charlotte was so impressed by his numbers they signed him from Indy as a free agent for three years and $27 million (with Stephenson turning down both more years and more money from the Pacers). All good in the Queen City, right? Well, that isn’t quite how things have turned out. Regression to the mean, as the saying goes, can be a real son of a bitch. Stephenson’s numbers have plummeted, to the point where the Hornets were reportedly shopping him around as early as two months into the season. He remains a Hornet for now, but one would have to assume that Michael Jordan is having some serious buyer’s remorse right around now.

The Kingdom Come Award for Biggest Drop-Off

Kingdom Come was Hov’s comeback album after a three year quasi-retirement. Consensus ranged from bad to unremarkable, which doesn’t sound too bad, but then you remember that the album before was The Black Album. A tough act to follow for a good album, but when you follow it up with Kingdom Come, you’re gonna have issues. Which brings us to probably the most curious pick in this article.

Now before I have all the Spurs fans calling for my head, hear me out. I rode for these guys in the season preview I did with Liam, I love San Antonio. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just…numbers don’t lie in situations like these, and heading into the All-Star Break this year and last year…

• 2014 Win-Loss: 38-15 (1st place Southwest Division, #1 in the Western Conference, lost 5 games rest of the year)

• 2015 Win-Loss: 33-19 (4th place Southwest Division, #7 in the Western Conference)

• 2014 PPG: 105.4

• 2015 PPG: 100.6

I’m not saying that the Spurs are getting too old to contend, but at a time like this, it at has to at least be in play, right? To use just one example: about a week ago, Tiago Splitter started at Center. Nothing unusual, except that’s the first time the Spurs NBA Finals starting five has started this season. People have been wrong about the Spurs before, but dropping from #1 in the West to #7 in the West in 12 months has to draw some legitimate concern, given how scary the West is.

The Blueprint²: The Gift and the Curse Award for Least Valuable Player

The Blueprint: Jay-Z’s finest album. One of the best albums of the 2000s. Maybe one of the top five rap albums ever released. A classic.
The Blueprint²: Considerably weaker. In the running for Jay’s worst album (the man himself calls it his second worst). Exhibit A as to why double albums tend to be either really good, or really really really bad. So why not make the counterpart to our MVP award the counterpart to Jay’s best album? Without any further ado…

Now doesn’t that speak for itself? J-Smoove was maligned for much of his Detroit tenure. He killed team chemistry, shot whenever he felt like from wherever he felt like, and possessed quite possibly the worst contract of anybody this side of Amar’e Stoudemire. (Two of the most questionable contracts in the East both belong to power forwards. Coincidence? I think not.) So the Pistons finally decide to waive him, and they immediately go undefeated for 8 games. Houston picks him up, they go 3-5 over that same 8 game stretch. This can’t be a coincidence. It just can’t.

The American Gangster Award for Sixth Man of the Year

Here we’re starting to move out from the bad to the “eh” part of Jay-Z’s records. American Gangster was a concept album detailing what might have become of young Shawn Carter if he decided to continue selling drugs rather than enter the rap game, loosely inspired by the film of the same name. It was seen as an improvement over Kingdom Come (not difficult, but still), and gave Jay a good amount of momentum heading into The Blueprint 3. What’s this have to do with our Sixth Man of the Year? I don’t know. But every midseason report worth its salt has one of these, so without any further ado…

That’s what I meant. Imported from Sacramento in the offseason, Thomas has become a great bench scorer and complement to Phoenix’s “Slash Brothers” offense alongside Eric Bledsoe and Goran Dragic. You could make the argument that Thomas is one of the reasons that an already-good Suns team stands a great chance to make some noise come the postseason. But you know what you can’t argue with?

Beautiful. Give this man the award yesterday.

The Roc La Familia Award for Best Front Office

Going to keep this one short and sweet, because my knowledge of both NBA front office happenings and this album (released in 2000, kinda there in Jay’s canon, nothing spectacular) is limited. On sheer energy, enthusiasm, and a quality loosely described as “Not being Donald Sterling or Vivek Randivé”, I’m awarding this one to the Clippers and Steve Ballmer in a walkover. Just relax and enjoy the madness:

Now wasn’t that relaxing?

The Blueprint 3 Award for Defensive Player of the Year

I’m not too well acquainted with the third installment of Jay’s Blueprint series, so I went to Magic for his take:

“It was a pretty good defense against the criticisms that Jay had fallen off after The Black Album.”

And you know me, I don’t need too much provocation to jump on a description like that. With that said, this has been a pretty strong year for defensive players. Several candidates are getting it done; Tim Duncan is still shutting folks down in the low post despite being like 50 years old, Tony Allen has morphed into one of the best perimeter defenders in the league (his assignments have a 3-Point Percentage of under 40%), but the true standout has been a bit of a surprise.

The best defender on the best defensive team in the league, Draymond Green has held his opponents to 45.7% at the rim through the break. Which is actually a little astounding. Green has been playing stout defense all season long for G-State, and has quickly entered max-contract discussion. His individual defensive rating is 96.2. Best in the league by a pretty wide margin. Just like he’s been best defender in the league by a pretty wide margin.

BONUS AWARD: The Watch the Throne Award for Team of the Year

Taking a quick break from Jay’s solo discography to give out a special award. Jay and Kanye West’s much hyped collab was released in 2011, scoring near-universal acclaim and a title as one of the best albums of the year. Me personally, I don’t think it’s anything that special but y’know, OPINIONS! (Although “Otis” is a great f***ing track) So I’m going to bear down and deliver the obligatory “Let’s rave about the Hawks!” section of this article.

Not that this isn’t well-deserved. Pegged by most as the team least likely to return to the Playoffs this year, and dealing with an ownership crisis the likes of which unseen since the Donald Sterling fiasco, the Hawks have somehow come together to become the best team in the Eastern Conference, and by extension one of the best teams in the league. How good is Atlanta right now? Not only did they go undefeated for the month of January, not only did their starting lineup win joint Player of the Month honors, they stand a legitimate chance to have not only four All-Stars (a bit questionable, but still) and the Coach of the Year (hold that thought) in the same season. How freakin’ remarkable is that?

The Vol. 3: Life and Times of S. Carter Award for Most Improved Player

We’re starting to get down to brass tacks. We’ve hit the really good section of Jay’s releases, and while this album is the weakest of the albums remaining (and the Life and Times trilogy on the whole), S. Carter was strong in its own right. Which leads us to the pick for Most Improved:

The elder Gasol was the perfect complement to Kobe Bryant on the back-to-back champion Lakers, but from 2011 on, his effectiveness seemed to take a nosedive. The signing/rental of Dwight Howard in 2012 only served to push Pau further back out of the spotlight. For another few years, he toiled on an increasingly-poor LA squad, eventually deciding he was fed up with Kobe’s bullshit and fleeing to greener pastures in Chicago this most recent offseason. Now? The big man is having something of a career renaissance. He’s putting up wonderful numbers and was voted to the All-Star Game, where he’ll start opposite younger brother Marc. After years playing second fiddle, Pau Gasol is finally starting to have a moment in the Windy City.

The In My Lifetime…Volume 1 Award for Sophomore Player of the Year

In My Lifetime was the follow up to Jay-Z’s smash hit Reasonable Doubt, and it further cemented the young MC’s star in the late 90s. As his second effort, it’s only natural to tie this album to the NBA’s best second year player. And for that award, I can really only think to look to one place.

The Greek Freak, described by Liam all those months ago as a lovable ball of basketball potential, was actually the 13th overall pick in the 2013 NBA Draft. A bit startling in retrospect. If you were to redo that draft, he probably goes a bit higher, right? Maybe even number one. Besides being one of the most entertaining aspects of a feel-good Bucks squad, Giannis is having a very good year in his own right. I mean, how could you not love this guy? This is guy who attributed his recent hot hand to his new shooting sleeve, comparing the effect to Like Mike. I haven’t heard anybody say anything bad about Giannis, and for good reason. Give it a year or two, and this guy’s gonna be an All-Star. You wait and see.

The Volume 2…Hard Knock Life Award for Breakout Star of 2015

Now we’re in business ladies and gentlemen. These next four albums are Jay’s self-professed top four of his career (thought not quite in this order if memory serves). Hard Knock Life produced a #1 hit of the same name and won the Grammy Award for Rap Album of the Year when it was released in 1998. As time goes on, people have grown to recognize this as one of Hov’s finest efforts. In addition, Magic informed me that this was the album that really pushed Jay into the mainstream. So there isn’t a better fit for this album than this man.

A little anecdote. My brother was playing NBA 2K15 a few months ago, and decided to sim through his player’s rookie year and look at the results. The winners of the 2014-2015 NBA Finals in 2KLand were the Chicago Bulls, prevailing in five over the Spurs. The Finals MVP? None other than one Jimmy Butler. My brother and I laughed it off at the time, and made the obligatory “Finals MVP Jimmy Butler” reference anytime he played the Bulls. But then this season happened. And Jimmy Butler has been playing out of his mind. How good has Jimmy Butler been this year? He’s being talked about as a fringe MVP candidate, this in a year that features James Harden, Stephen Curry and Anthony Davis having their best seasons to date! Just think about that for a second.

Moral of this story? 2K might be onto something. If Jimmy isn’t a max-contract guy for the Bulls in a few years, then he’ll probably be that guy for whoever’s willing to meet his price. And if how he’s playing is any indication, he’s worth every penny.

The Black Album Award for Coach of the Year

Take a trip back in time with me to 2003. Both Blueprint 2 and Blueprint 2.1 (a compilation of the “best” cuts from the two Blueprint 2 discs) were flops the likes of which Jay-Z had never encountered before. He was losing steam, and decided that he was going to call it quits in order to take over Roc-A-Fella Records. But not before releasing one final album: a closing statement on his career, so to speak. Not too many people believed that it was really gonna be his victory lap, but in any case, the resulting album was fantastic. Hits like “Dirt Off Your Shoulder” and the ubiquitous “99 Problems” were everywhere in 2003, and ensured Jay’s legacy.

The coaching this year has been very solid, with few exceptions (Sacramento, though that was more the owner’s fault, and Orlando). So I had to split this award two ways; one coach in each conference.

The rookie head coach for either the best or second-best team in the Association, Steve Kerr has exceeded expectations on a dazzling Warriors club. He has an MVP candidate in Stephen Curry, a fantastic offensive game beyond that in Klay Thompson and Andre Iguodala, and a defensive brick wall in the twin towers of Green and Andrew Bogut. People thought that G-State was going to experience a downturn after the departure of Mark Jackson. Instead, the Warriors are looking more and more like a team destined for the Finals, and perhaps their first NBA Championship since the Rick Barry era.

Meanwhile, second-year coach Mike Budenholzer has engineered a near-miraculous turnaround for a heretofore mediocre Hawks franchise. Under his leadership, last year’s model took the #1 Pacers to seven in the opening round of the Playoffs. Turns out that was a preview of what was to come this year. With everything I mentioned under Team of the Year in mind, the Hawks, too, are looking like Finals contenders. If they go all the way, it would be their first championship in nearly 60 years, when Bob Pettit and the St. Louis Hawks won it all in 1958. Choosing between Kerr and Budenholzer? Impossible. I have to make this a joint award.

The Reasonable Doubt Award for Rookie of the Year

Released in 1996, Reasonable Doubt was Hov’s debut album, and was instantly hailed as a classic in the New York hip hop world. With his take on the mafioso rap sub-genre and with tracks like “Can’t Knock the Hustle” and “Ain’t No Playa”, this album is often considered to be the best debut album in rap history, which is incredibly high praise (The College Dropout, Ready to Die, and Licensed to Ill, to name just three other contenders for that title). Jabari Parker seemed to be a lock for this award, but he was knocked out for the season earlier. I considered Denver’s Jusuf Nurkic and Chicago’s Nikola Mirotic for this award as well, but in the end, I kept coming back to one candidate.

Andrew Wiggins was the number one pick in this year’s draft for a very good reason. He averaged 17.1 points and 5.1 rebounds for a stellar Kansas team in his lone college season, and seemed like he’d be a perfect fit on a Cavs team that already had gained LeBron James and included studs like Kyrie Irving and Dion Waiters.

But then, in one of those decisions that’ll be debated for years, he was shipped to Minnesota along with fellow #1 Anthony Bennett in exchange for Kevin Love. This seemed like a reasonable move at the time, but given Love’s up and down play for the Cavaliers, isn’t it worth thinking that Cleveland might have been better off keeping him? The relevant numbers lend support to this argument; in his best game to date (fittingly enough, against Cleveland in Love’s return to Minnesota), he notched 33 points and 4 steals in defeat. This award may be his at least in part due to attrition (his biggest competition being out for the season can’t be overlooked), but you can’t deny that Andrew Wiggins has been fantastic this year. He deserves Rookie of the Year honors.

The Blueprint Award for Most Valuable Player

2001’s The Blueprint stands head and shoulders above Jigga’s discography as his crowning achievement. One of the best albums period of the 21st Century, with classic tracks like “The Ruler’s Back”, “Takeover” and “Izzo (H.O.V.A.)”, and featuring some sterling production from a then-unknown Kanye West, this album is Jay-Z’s masterpiece. Only right to attach this to the NBA’s MVP, right? Well, this isn’t an easy choice this year. Jimmy Butler, as mentioned, has a fringe case and deserves to at least be in the discussion. Steph Curry is having his best season ever and is the quarterback of a fantastic Warriors team. James Harden is coming into his own as an offensive juggernaut for Houston. LeBron James, as usual, is in the mix. And yet…

Bill Simmons’s MVP formula is most heavily weighted by one question: “If you were to replace each candidate with an average player at his position for the year, what would be the hypothetical effect on his team’s record?” In my mind, there is only one player in the NBA who fits that criteria to a T.

Anthony Davis is unquestionably the best player on the New Orleans Pelicans. He is among their leading scorers and is without a doubt their best defender/rebounder. The scary part? He’s only 21. His best years are certainly yet to come. Almost entirely because of the Brow, the Pelicans are still alive in a brutal Southwest Division and are only a game out of the final playoff seed in the West. Replace him with, oh let’s say Carlos Boozer, and you know what happens? The Pelicans are dead. New Orleans wouldn’t be anywhere close to where they are now if they didn’t have Anthony Davis going to war for them every single night. And you just can’t define “valuable” any better than that. If Anthony Davis played in a bigger marker, there wouldn’t be a debate, because we’d see what he’s doing for N’awlins just about every night. But since he’s in the basketball purgatory that is the Crescent City, he’s working his ass off in relative obscurity. Because of that, there is a debate. And in my mind at least, there shouldn’t. Anthony Davis is the NBA’s Most Valuable Player.