The Top 3 Best (and Worst) Moments of Monday Night Raw
Best
3. Eva Marie beats AJ Lee (#AllRedEverything)
The Future
For the third week in a row, there was a major upset victory on Raw as everybody’s favorite diva, Eva Marie, beat Diva’s Champion AJ Lee in a non-title match. The entire bout consisted of one Headlock Takeover before Paige came out to distract AJ and allow Eva to pin her with a Schoolboy Rollup. Now, I’m not saying that this victory is proof that the red haired diva is the greatest technical wrestler to have ever graced the squared circle but I actually am saying that and I just lied. AJ, being the pathetic sore loser that she is, attacked Eva and left her laying after the match. The Diva’s champion then skipped home to take care of her eight children and give birth to two more. Some of you may disagree with this pick but trust me, an Eva victory is a victory for all of mankind. If you wake up one day in a hospital bed wondering just what the hell happened, Eva-lution has just passed you by. Love you Eva. <3.
2. Paul Heyman cuts a great promo (In other news, water is wet)
Following the trend of the past few weeks, this week’s Raw started out with a great Paul Heyman promo meant to hype up the huge Summerslam main event for the WWE title between John Cena and Brock Lesnar. I would go into details but honestly, my summarizing wouldn’t do this promo justice. You really do need to watch this segment to understand how wonderful Heyman’s passion and conviction are when he speaks. It was so great that when the Mad Scientist was finished, the crowd booed while applauding him at the same time because his delivery was awesome. Heyman has to be the best promo guy in wrestling right now, bar none. He’s cut so many money promos over the last year alone. While Heyman hyped him up as an unstoppable monster, Brock just stood next to Paul, cracking a little smirk every now and then. Gotta say, considering that he’s probably making six figures from that appearance alone, he has a pretty sweet gig.
1. Dean Ambrose sneak attacks Seth Rollins after jumping out of a box (Was Ambrose one of Hogan’s gifts?)
This week’s Raw featured a celebration of Hulk Hogan’s 61st birthday! As a tribute to the Hulkster, several gifts with red and yellow wrapping were placed on the soundstage. After beating RVD in a fun match, Seth Rollins was on his way to the back when he noticed that one of the presents on the stage was large enough to have a grown man inside it. Fearful that Ambrose was waiting in the box for him, Rollins cautiously looks at it before thinking better of it and turning his back. He must have been thinking, “what kind of crazy mofo would wait in a freaking box just to attack me?” Unfortunately for Rollins, Dean is exactly the kind of crazy mofo that would wait in a box just to attack someone as he exploded out of the box and opened up a fresh can of whoop ass on Rollins. Ambrose’s intensity really helped push this segment into greatness. Every time he gets his hands on Rollins, he brings the hate and comes off like he truly wants to wipe him off the face of the earth.
Worst
3. No Layla (Or Summer Rae for that matter)
One of the low-lights of Raw didn’t involve anything that actually happened on the show, it involves what didn’t happen on the show. Sadly, the “Summer Rae and Layla do revenge lays with everyone on the roster to get back at Fandango” storyline wasn’t featured on Raw this week meaning that the most gorgeous woman on the roster, Layla, wasn’t on TV. For weeks, she somehow managed to exceed what I thought was her peak hotness but that streak came to an end with her absence on this show. Why WWE? Why punish me like this?
2. Roman Reigns cuts a silly promo (WWE’s writing is ass cheeks)
After laying out both Ryback and Curtis Axel following a Handicap match, Roman Reigns was interviewed by his “baby girl”, Renee Young in the ring. After letting the crowd chant his name for a few moments ala his cousin the Rock, Roman says that he’s ready to beat Randy Orton at Summerslam.”Randy says that I’ve stolen something from him. I’ve never stolen anything from Randy Orton…but this Sunday at Summerslam, I’M TAKING EVERYTHING FROM HIM!” That actually would have been a pretty good line to end on but no, WWE’s writers have to get all their crappy little insults in and make promos go too long. “What’s a viper when you knock it’s fangs down it’s throat? A worthless. Little. Worm. BELIEVE DAT!” I swear to god, that’s exactly what Roman, who is supposed to be this cool badass, said. It was such a corny line that it was impossible to take him seriously after he said it. The rest of the promo wasn’t bad but that last insult pretty much killed any good that the promo may have done.
1. The New Claire Lynch (Bryan isn’t a player, he just crushes a lot)
How often can you say that WWE has straight up ripped off a TNA storyline? An infamously bad one at that? This week on Raw, Stephanie McMahon announced that she had a confession to make regarding Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella. She brought Daniel Bryan’s physical therapist into the ring and, after a couple of minutes of poking and prodding, gets her to admit that she and Bryan have been having an affair. Thinking to herself, “I guess this is the day that bitches die”, Brie stormed down the ramp and confronted her husband’s alleged mistress. Once Bryan’s side chick admits again that she and Bryan have been boinking, Brie slapped the woman and went in full on Brie Mode on Steph, tackling her to the ground and slapping on her own version of the Yes Lock before being pulled off by backstage agents. Due to the storyline’s striking resemblance to the infamous Claire Lynch storyline in TNA , where a woman accused AJ Styles of being the father of her child and cheating on his wife with her, Claire Lynch trended on Twitter in the US. This angle may have been the most publicity TNA has gotten in years. It was also silly and came off as completely unnecessary. The feud between Brie and Steph already had a lot of heat going into this show and didn’t need this goofy plot point. I guess WWE doesn’t realize that the Claire Lynch storyline was pretty much universally mocked and is considered one of the more “LOLTNA”-worthy storylines of the past few years.
The Rest of Raw
The go-home show to Summerslam was a very middle of the road show. There was some good stuff, there was some bad stuff, but on the whole, I don’t feel like I gained anything from watching this show. Chris Jericho and Bray Wyatt having a dull face-to-face encounter, Heath Slater picking up his second consecutive Raw against Dolph Ziggler (thanks to a distraction from the Miz), and Hogan’s Birthday Bash at the end were the only other noteworthy moments of the show.
strong