TNA a.k.a. Total Nonstop Action a.k.a. Impact Wrestling a.k.a. Thursday’s COPS lead-in has been going through obvious changes over the past few months. Most notably in the booking department where accusations have been flying around like an X Division wrestler who’s one dislocated shoulder away from bankruptcy. It appears that TNA has been copying ideas that have been done or are currently being done by their main competitor, fiscal insolvency the WWE.
Look at the comparisons.
Eric Young/Daniel Bryan. Hairy, underdog world champions.
Magnus/Randy Orton. Cocky, self-absorbed, former corporate champions.
Dixie Carter/Stephanie McMahon. Shrill, MILFy, daughters of billionaires who think they hit a triple when they were born on third base.
Bobby Lashley/Batista. Beefy main eventers made from Vince McMahon’s fantasies who thought following Brock Lesnar to MMA would result in massive superstardom, but eventually returned back to pro wrestling once they realize they got no chance to beat Cain Velasquez. Very popular with nobody.
Rockstar Spud/Brad Maddox. Small, weasely assistants to people in charge of power. Usually will take punishment and fight back as often as Hailey’s Comet orbits the Earth. Adorable.
Abyss/Kane. Masked big men who tried completely different personas only to revert back to their old ways. Former best friends with current bearded world champions. Strongly opposed to taxes.
Samoa Joe/CM Punk. IWC sweethearts who have walked away from wrestling unceremoniously over feeling unsatisfied with their direction. Will eventually return to have similar problem surface shortly after.
BroMans/Wyatt Family. Triad of party animals who enjoy music, only hang out with each other and don’t seem to have much interest in associating with women.
Jeff Hardy/Rob Van Dam. High flying veterans who style hasn’t changed since it was socially acceptable to like the Spice Girls. Like really, really, really high right now. Mailing it in like it’s next day delivery.
We could go on and on, but you get the point. And we’re out of comparisons. But this isn’t the only problem TNA is having to deal with. Here’s are anonymous tips from people who work backstage…
“Morale is really low right now. I saw Bobby Roode literally kicking rocks in the back lot where we tape the Impact Zone. He said he was hoping one of the rocks has heavy and inflict pain to his foot just so he could feel again.”
“The Christmas raffle was for a Discman.”
“Tough times. Brooke is pretty much a goner and they replaced her with Angelina Love. It’s like this company is even cutting corners in the ass department.”
“All our long-time guys are gone like A.J., Daniels, Sabin, Stinger and so on. It’s a shame. The guys are now going to Gunner for veteran advice. He looks a deer about to go head first into a Jeep Cherokee when someone asks him about how deal with crowd apathy.”
“Dixie is the worst. She runs this business like a virgin running a brothel. One time she was giving a speech about sacrifices and she told us the story about how things got so rough for her in college that she had to wear the same outfit twice in one week. She started tearing up as she got the part where she talks about how embarrassed she was as she was about to go to Econ 202 in her Pat Benatar shirt.”
“I saw Bully Ray backstage eating a big bread pretzel. He tried to untangle it just so he can wrap it around his neck and hang himself.”
“Vince Russo is back. When he met Samuel Shaw, Vince said ‘I don’t think you’re going far enough with your character. I want to see you rub your groin more. Especially around the heavier set women in the crowd.”
“Company had a picnic as a thank you for their hard work and service. People had to bring their own food, lawn chairs, grill, set up park arrangements and could only bring one family member. Ken Anderson brought two, and was promptly escorted by security.”
One thing is for certain, TNA has seen better days. The question is how many days left do they have to get better?