Dave the Dave’s Review Review: Nick August continues while we all “Salute Your Shorts”

Camp Anawana, we hold you in our hearts. Something, something, farts. I have to admit, I forgot the song. I was told to get it right, but I never did pay the price for not doing so. I’m probably going to get an awful waffle for it, but I can live with that….. Donkey Lips.

Okay, I think I’m out of buzzwords now since all I can think is “Stood Kid’s afraid to leave his stoop!” The two things are kind of related, but it’s not really what I’m trying to get at. “Salute Your Shorts” is one of those shows that you love as a kid, then as an adult realize why it was marketed to kids.

 

The acting was bad, the stories were trite, and you know…I mean come on…look at it. This isn’t a good show. Still I feel compelled to watch though when I see a rerun. “The 90s are All That” was great for the first two months. If anything it’s worth watching to just see Joey the Rat as a kid.

Joey the Rat was the loan good actor on the show until he left. That honor then fell to either Budnick or Donkey Lips and that’s not a good place to be. Maybe Ug, but since he’s barely even present on his own Wikipedia page, I’m not sure he was right for the role. I could do some research, but he was either some executive’s son or a producer who didn’t feel like paying an actor for this role.

“The kid’s needed tutors people, we’re only Nickelodeon, and we’re not made of money!”

I guess “The Rugrats” hadn’t bank rolled the network yet. Sorry Sponge.

I was about to say no one from this show really did a whole lot after the show, but then I remembered Venus DeMilo was on the program. Then I remembered my first statement was still correct. This lady played the sporty and tough Telly. She was constantly at odds with the boys and their trouble making ways, while keeping a flame for the bland Michael. Sponge was nice too, but he was a dork and like “Wet Hot American Summer” shows, summer camp is all about physical attraction.

Michael Stein was kind of whiny kid (far right above). I remember him replacing Pinksy, but Wikipedia tells me it’s the otherway around. Even though I liked Pinsky better, Michael was a better advisory for the true stars of the show:

Now that’s a goon squad if there ever was one. These guys were two bullies that really couldn’t do much bullying. They were clearly acting out because no one liked them. Budnick looks like a weasel and Donkey Lips….well his freakin’ (awesome) name is Donkey Lips. He’s only scary because he’s fat. He’s like Harold from “Hey Arnold” in physical form. Budnick reminds me of someone else from “Hey Arnold” but I can’t put my finger on it.

The other boy is Sponge Harris. I referenced him above if you didn’t notice. He’s just a standard nerd.

I don’t even think they gave him a real name. He’s about the only one fat boy and stoop kid can push around and even he steps to them every so often.

After talking about the main cast of boys, it makes sense that all the girls like Michael. Look at the other choices. Turns out in season two I’m wrong because prissy Dina dates Budnick and Sponge makes out with a girl in a phone booth. It gets oddly sexual this season and it’s not okay. There is also a girl named ZZ that’s a bit of a freak and nature lover. Dina and ZZ seem to be the inspiration for two other “Hey Arnold” people:

Yes, I’ve accidentally blown the lid of the “Hey Arnold stealing characters from Salute Your Shorts” conspiracy that no one was looking into. I don’t think “Hey Arnold” has an Ug character though.

Kevin “Ug” Lee is a weirdly dedicated camp counselor despite seeming to hate all the kids. Unless he’s making a lot of money, I’m thinking it’s a shell for his drug ring. No one has white stuff all over there nose like that unless they have to! And who cuts the grass with scissors? He’s crazy.

“Salute Your Shorts” only ran two seasons and amassed 26 episodes. They must have not had a lot of shows back in the early Nick days because they had this, “Wild and Crazy Kids”, and “Legends of the Hidden Temple” running back-to-back-to-back. Sprinkle in some “Rugrats” and that’s Monday through Thursday programming. I’m of course omitting early mornings with Face and “The Brady Bunch” at night. GOD I MISS STICK STICKLY!