It’s hard to explain how the death of a celebrity can affect you. Most can understand missing their presence and work, but can’t grasp how it emotionally crushes you. The handling of the loss as if the person were a family member or close friend can be baffling. Especially considering that, most of the time, you’ve never met the person.
When I heard of Roger Ebert’s passing, it felt like I lost a dear loved one. I was devastated! My heart sank and I froze in shock. It was reminiscent of when I lost a close friend. Yet, I never actually met Roger. I’m only familiar with his work How can his death affect me so much?
His work was an inspiration to me, as well as helping get me through a lot of rough times. I discovered him at an early age, around ten, and was instantly drawn to him. I had heard his name in passing, but was too young to comprehend his writing. Admittedly, I still was at ten, but his passion for film spoke to me. Having been a slightly lonely child, movies became an outlet for me. A passion, if you will. Discovering somebody else who did was gratifying.
I quickly began devouring his writing and episodes of “At the Movies”. The idea of writing about film as a career was tantalizing and Ebert was the best at it. It’s almost as if he was a superstar in the field, despite being a generally down to Earth fellow. I so badly wanted to be him that I began studying him.
Over time, I learned to carve my own image and style, but always incorporated his thoughts on film criticism. Always judge a film on it’s own merits as opposed to putting it up against films of varying subject matter .While he’s infamous for being harsh on certain genres (horror, for example), he never wrote off cult film and treated them with respect. I’ve done the same since.
When I was younger, my fandom could be described as weird. For starters, a kid idolizing a film critic like he would his favorite professional wrestlers is peculiar. Actually writing pull quotes on tapes and DVDs to mirror Roger is on a whole other level. Even writing my own movie reviews could be viewed as strange, though most would simply be pleased that I was writing. Recording audio reviews a la “At the Movies” is another story.
My path to online film criticism is all traced back to Roger. Without discovering him, it’s possible I never would’ve developed such a passion for film and/or writing. He opened the door for me to all kinds of film and I’ve never looked back. He was a teacher to me without even knowing it.
To hear of his passing broke my heart, as there’s always been a place reserved for him there. I may never have actually talked to him (outside of a few tweets), but I’ve always felt a connection to him. It’s been a dream of mine to one day meet him and discuss film and pick his brain for knowledge. Sadly, that will now always remain a dream.
The tears that stroll down my face for his passing may seem weird to some, but they hold a strong resonance for me. I grew up idolizing Roger and spent every week checking his site for new reviews. Knowing that nothing new from him will ever surface again crushes me.
In closing, I’d like to thank Roger Ebert for his tireless work and being an unintentional inspiration. I owe a lot of my passion and craft to him. I don’t know where I’d be had I never discovered him. I certainly wouldn’t be writing this article while wiping tears away from my eyes. Thank you, Roger!
R.I.P. (1942-2013)