Not content with making children unhealthy and getting them addicted to gambling, the Chuck E. Cheese corporation wanted to rot their demographic’s minds, as well. Hence why they made this hour long straight to video movie that I assume was meant to compete with McDonald’s line of animated videos. Remember those? You ordered them at McDonald’s (I think for five bucks) and were treated to Ronald and his friends going on wacky adventures. They weren’t high quality, but they were enjoyable for what they were. They also starred Verne Troyer (Mini-me) as Ronald’s dog. Good times.
I guess you ordered this Chuck E. Cheese tape the same way, but I don’t even remember it’s existence. Chuck E. Cheese was party central when I was a kid, so you’d think I’d remember this. I know I would’ve begged my parents to buy it and, since they bought the McDonald’s tapes, chances are they’d buy this, as well. Maybe the tape was too pricy. The cover I found online touts receiving five dollars worth of tokens in return for purchasing this, so maybe it was more expensive than that. Or maybe it did such poor sales it was never even marketed in my neck of the woods.
What I do know is that “Chuck E. Cheese in the Galaxy 5000” is a stupefying exercise in inanity! It’s plot is crazier than one would imagine. When I hear of a Chuck E. Cheese movie, I think of either a long ad for the chain or possibly a variety show that spoofs pop culture. The idea of a “Cheers” spoof with children going to Chuck E. Cheese to escape their daily routine is novel and may have worked. Too bad the creators never thought of that.
Instead, we get a story that could’ve only been created via the help of special mushrooms (most likely on one of the store’s “prized” pizzas). Charlie Rockit (Galen Beyea) needs to raise fifty-thousand dollars to help save his aunt and uncle’s farm. It turns out their tractor’s engine blew and it apparently costs fifty-thousand dollars to get a new one. Seriously. He enlists the help of his buddies, Chuck E. Cheese (Peyton Welch, Daphne Gere, voice of Duncan Brannan), Helen Henny (Georgia Denney, Linda Coleman, voice of Denney), Jasper T. Jowls (Micah Menikos, Shay Coldwell, voice of Jeremy Blaido) & Mr. Munch (Chris Cason, Rene Fulton, voice of Christopher Sabat) to help raise the money. Why it took two people to play each role is beyond me. Maybe the first person passed out from heat exhaustion inside the suit.
It’s Pasqually (Steven Lange) who comes up with the brilliant idea for them to enter into the Galaxy 5000 race. It just so happens the winner receives fifty-two thousand dollars. With that money, they can buy a new tractor to save the farm and some more special mushrooms to put on their pizza. Everybody wins! Except for the investors in this project, who probably went bankrupt.
Now, you may be thinking, “Why doesn’t Chuck E. just give Charlie the money? Surely he’s made a fortune with his company.” That’s never addressed. All we know is that each member of the group only has a few bucks in their pocket and apparently don’t have jobs. I guess we’re supposed to assume Pasqually runs the place, but then why doesn’t he help foot the bill? Maybe he’s a greedy bastard. They never did say what his last name was. My guess is Trump.
The gang teleports to Galaxy 5000 via a teleporter (what else?) that looks as if it was stolen from the set of “The Lawnmower Man”. They arrive in Galaxy 5000 (which looks like the backdrop of a clunky CD-ROM) and are greeted by Pasqually’s friend, Flapjack (Don Shook). He’s going to help them win the race. And by help them, I mean give them access to his old, dilapidated pilot and make them fix it up. What a nice guy!
I’m actually getting ahead of myself. They’re initially greeted by Peter (Kenyon Holmes) & Ivan (Rob Flanagan), the villains of the picture. Led by Dr. Zoom (Jackson Kane), they’re Galaxy 5000’s top racers. We learn it’s because they cheat by using Zoom Gas, which enhances their vision in rough terrain (or something like that). They seem to be channeling Hans and Franz from the “Pumping Up” skits from “Saturday Night Live” and are the only good thing about the film. At least they seemed to be having fun.
In between the races (there’s two, which doesn’t make sense, as what happens if one team wins a race and another team the other?), we get a love triangle between Chuck E., Helen and Astrid (Lydia Mackay), a human female who seems interested in bestiality. I’m not kidding. Peter & Ivan also get involved, sweeping Helen off her feet after she feels rejected by Chuck E. (he just views her as one of the guys). I’m seriously not kidding. This is part of the plot.
Yet another character is introduced, his name being Harry the Hermit (Steven Lange). He lives in a cave that Chuck E. crashes into. He helps train the mouse for the big race by having him jump on steam pipes, run in a wheel, play whack-a-mole and wax his tables. How this is going to help him pilot a racer is questionable. I get they were going for a “Karate Kid” reference, but it was poorly done.
There’s a lot going on in this cheap, sixty minute cash grab. Too bad none of it’s interesting. It plays out like a fever dream. Characters appear and disappear at a whim, the sets make no sense (why is this galaxy basically a desert town with a soda pop shop?) and the humor is juvenile. There’s also numerous musical numbers since the gang is supposed to be a part of a band. All of the songs are forgettable and made me yearn for the dance number at McDonald’s from “Mac and Me”. Once again, McDonald’s beats Chuck E. Cheese.
Final Rating: D-