Cinemasochist’s Dungeon of Horrors: A Christmas Story 2

Brian Levant’s sequel to the Bob Clark classic won’t ruin the original’s impact. No sequel is capable of doing so. No matter how putrid is. Which is “A Christmas Story 2” thankfully is not (another week where The Master is displeased). Not to say that it’s good. It’s not that, either. It’s basically pointless.

Too many years have passed since the original to warrant a sequel. This isn’t the case of, say, “Tron: Legacy”, where the wait was determined via a slowly growing cult following and advancement in technology. This was a meek cash grab by a studio wanting a Christmas film and thinking making a sequel to an 80’s film would generate some interest. Even if that interest was mostly negative. You know what they say, “Any publicity is good publicity.”

That’s a line I’d expect to hear from Mr. Parker, this time played by Daniel Stern (who decided to emerge from his mancave for reasons unknown). He, like Braeden Lemasters (who plays Ralphie), Stacey Travis (who plays Mrs. Parker) and the rest of the crew do an admirable job in their roles. They’re spirited enough and did their research to capture the spirit of the characters. Which may have hurt them more, as strange as that sounds.

Their game performances led to my criticism of this being pointless. They try their hardest to please the original’s fans that they don’t do much different. Ralphie even opens the film up by stating, “Outside of my new interest in hair, nothing much had changed.” Everybody is just a bit older and Ralph’s new interest is a hot car and the beautiful Drucilla Gootrad (Tiera Skovbye). They still get into the familiar shenanigans and cutesy dialogue. It’s all inoffensive, but also ineffective.

The only time I rolled my eyes during the film was when Ralph accidentally put a prized car into gear and a toy reindeer crashed through it’s roof. It was one of those cheeky situations that only happen in films and cause moans instead of guffaws. It sets the film in motion, as Ralph and his friends (who are forgettable, by the way) must get jobs to pay for the repair or face jail time. Mr. Parker doesn’t want to cough up the dough  because that won’t teach his son anything (which is true).

Speaking of Mr. Parker, there’s a running gag in the film that he’s a cheapskate. The furnace is on it’s last leg, but he’s not willing to pay the three-hundred and ninety dollars for a new one. He then flips out when his turkey is risen to forty cents a pound. I guess this was meant to cause a smirk, but it came across as lousy filler. Even Daniel Stern seemed to notice that.

This is pretty much how this review is going to go. I name something that happened in the film, I state how it wasn’t terrible, but wasn’t funny and we all shrug our shoulders. No need to get into a tizzy over what is actually a harmless sequel. It doesn’t garner any laughs (outside of the occasional smirk), but it doesn’t produce rage either. It’s not “Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure”, to be more precise.

Final Rating: C-