Hello, and welcome to the inner workings of my ridiculous, outlandish, yet oddly insightful mind. I am Brandon “Bacon” Maertz. Yes, some people really do call me Bacon. This is Fresh From the Frying Pan. Here we (and by “we” I mean “I”) will review music. The stipulations are are follows: I will be reading the Billboard Hot 100 music chart once a week and selecting from it the 100th song and either explaining why it should chart higher, or why it belongs there in the first place. In the event that a song stays in the same position from week to week, I will move to the 99th song. In the event that someone wants to make a fool of me, then I will continue up the chart in that fashion. Similarly, if a song moves out of the 100 spot and then back in, I will move up the chart to avoid redundancy.
Now that we have the rules squared away, you are likely wondering who I think I am casting judgment on the world’s pop music. My credentials are pretty solid as a music critic. I wrote album reviews throughout high school for the school paper. I am a musician of many genres and instruments and have been for a decade. My musical tastes have taken just about every turn they possibly could, and I can pepper in “I went through a ‘—‘ phase and listened to a long of ‘—‘” in most anecdotes. Armed with my vast musical knowledge, formal writing education, my keen sense of wordplay, overuse of hyperbole, and my caustic wit, I invite you on this journey as we learn to love, learn to hate, and learn generally useless information about today’s pop music. Trust me, I’m a professional.