JULY 27TH 3:00PM
Like, here we are again in the Mystery Machine, looking for another ghost to like hunt. This time it’s the Rock Lobster of Blowing Rock Mansion that’s been haunting Fred’s uncle. Like, I swear that these ghosts have some stupid ass names. Why do I even go on these stupid adventures? Like, I’ll tell you…it’s because of the good weed you find in these backwoods parts of the country. And like, Daphne doesn’t wear underwear.
Man, I’m like so hungry right now. While that tightass Fred talked to the local inbreds about the Rock Lobster, Scooby and I like took to the gas station bathroom and smoked ourselves retarded. Then we wrote on the bathroom wall “Fred likes it in the butt” and giggled for like 15 minutes.
Didn’t expect Fred to use that men’s room. He saw what we wrote and like flipped on us. He chewed us out about taking things seriously, but I wasn’t paying attention. He just does this so he can like get in Daphne’s pants. I thought about like grabbing that ascot and strangling him, but then Scooby brought out a fifteen layer frito burrito. Man that Scooby is the best.
Figured that Fred’s uncle would live in a spooky old castle. Like every fucking time man.
So Fred’s uncle tells us some sob story about how this Mr. Kramer guy wants to buy the land he owns for some like golf course and like now suddenly this giant Rock Lobster is causing chaos around his home. Gee wonder how this will turn out? Man, Daphne’s got a great ass.
I’ve eaten a whole turkey, a 24 decker sandwich, and half a box of Scooby snacks…when the fuck is dinner?
Time for bed, and of course the rooms are like all scary and shit. I take a couple tokes off my one hitter and try to sleep. So like of course a giant claw pops out of the mirror above my bed and tries to take my head off. I fucking hate Fred and his whole damn family.
Like me and Scoob are being chased by the Rock Lobster and no sign of the other gang around. Why is it that we are always the ones chased? I’m stuck in a barrel with Scooby and I’m pretty sure that I like shit my pants.
Finally found the others…probably off having like the sex or something man. Told Fred what happened and he’s like “I’ll set a trap for the Rock Lobster, but I need you and Scooby to lure the Rock Lobster into it”. Like hey Rube Goldberg, how about YOU lure the monster while Scooby and I watch the girls shower? But no, he tricks us with a box of Scooby Snacks. Damn my weakness for dog food.
Well we like trapped the Rock Lobster, but it almost killed Scoob and me. Of course I ruined another pair of pants. I don’t see why we can’t just shoot the damn thing, but I’m not the one whose daddy paid for the Mystery Machine. Anyway, we like take off the Rock Lobster’s head and find that it’s not a monster after all, but Mr. Kramer. Gee, like what a big shock. The “monster” isn’t a monster after all, but a stupid guy. I’m stoned 99.8% of the time and even I can figure this out. I just forget a lot. I feel like I’m part of like some stupid carto…HOLY SHIT SCOOBY CAN TALK!