Review: Pre-Russian Seagal was definitely Hard to Kill for #FBF

Back in the day there was a cool motherf****r by the name of Steven Seagal. The guy was came out of nowhere as an expert in Aikido. Then rumors started to circulate saying the guy had done government work for the CIA and so on; it added to his mystique. Lately the guy has been a bit of a punch-line due to his weight gain, sexual allegations and his him becoming a Russian citizen, but in the early 90’s the guy was untouchable.

Fresh off his first film as the main star (the guy was the star of his movie in his first on screen appearance, not a lot of people can say that) Above the Law, producers really wanted to capitalize on the action star. So they came up with today’s fbf: Hard to Kill.

The story is about a cop – Mason Storm (Seagal, and what a cool name) who tapes and records Senator Trent (the always good William Sadler) making backdoor deals and also plotting the death of another senator so Trent can take over and all that shit. Storm, while recording, makes noise and the bad guys find out who he is through departmental leaks and kill Storm and his wife and kid. So sad to see Storm dead. But wait, you forget that the name of this movie is called Hard to Kill and Mason Storm IS hard to kill! Storm is in a coma for 7 years and finally wakes up after a nurse (Kelly LeBrock) offers him a “little pussy” (a cat, not her private parts, but then she does wind up sleeping with the guy later on) and escapes the hospital with the help from said nurse while laying in the hospital bed. Come on, which action star out there has done that?!

So the bad guys find out Storm is alive and set on taking out Storm because Storm still has the recording of Senator Trent. In the meantime, Storm starts to rehabilitate in a hideout and starts training to put an ass beating on the bad guys. Storm’s training is so intense that he breaks a board that is dug into the ground. Just showing you that Storm won’t stop until someone is broken and in the ground. So, fuck you, board. What follows is Seagal basically taking the bad guys to the bank – the blood bank, that is (Storm says this line in the movie, I shit you not). Along the way he gets cozy with the nurse and even has a sex with a saxophone playing when she enters the room. Oh, yeah, you know it’s gonna happen.

Seagal is a pro when it comes to these tough guy characters. He plays to his own tune by sometimes even whispering his dialogue. Hey, the guy was pretty successful playing the same part in over ten movies, so if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. The bad guys in the movie aren’t bad. William Sadler does well as the Senator playing the nice guy for the cameras, but you definitely know he’s a bad guy because in one scene he tells a half naked woman in jacuzzi that they’re not gonna make it to the ballet that night (fucking Storm) and to “GET LOST!” Poor lady. Oh well, at least Storm knocks Trent’s teeth out and blows the lid on this ballet-hating asshole.

As said before, Seagal isn’t as cool as he used to be, but the point of these fbf’s is to remind you of some of the work from back then that was pretty damn cool and Seagal is definitely an example of that. So if you’re wanting to see how cool Seagal was, pop in this movie and follow it with Out for Justice (perfect movie, IMO) and Marked for Death (the one with the Jamaicans) and you’ll see.

Catch Mando on Twitter at @manbat33 when he’s not co-hosting the @TalentedSlacker podcast!