Sex, Swerves, and Stunners: St. Valentine’s Day Massacre (Part 2)

WWF Attitude

St. Valentine’s Day Massacre (Part 2)

– Video plays advertising a $25 Mr. Socko t-shirt. Seriously.


Match #6

X-Pac & HHH vs. Kane & Chyna (The Corporation)

– This match stems from Chyna turning on DX in the weeks leading up to the show.

– Man, Chyna is awful at promos.

– Not surprisingly, DX is the most over act on the show yet.

– Before the match, HHH does the usual DX “Rah-Rah” promo to pop the crowd. “Come out here and get your ass kicked, ya big jacked up bitch!”- HHH

– Chyna comes out to the Corporation’s theme while Kane has his usual entrance.

– It’s revealed that HHH is wearing a Chyna shirt which he quickly wipes his ass with to mock Chyna.

– Shane is d***-riding the Corporation on commentary.

– Announcers are hyping that this the first match where a woman is wrestling men. Shane also claims he invented the Bronco Buster.

– Shane is awesome on commentary. He’s such an unabashed dick-rider for his group and is screaming at the top of his lungs with a ton of excitement in his voice.

– Story is that HHH is hesitant to actually hit Chyna and tags out to X-Pac whenever she gets into the match.

– Kane is treated like a total monster and is pretty much no-selling double team moves from the faces.

– While he’s fighting Kane on the outside, Pac attacks Shane at the commentary booth. I’m sure that totally won’t come back to haunt him..

– After getting the hot tag, HHH finally decks Chyna in a scene that you’ll never see in modern WWE.

– While HHH and Kane are brawling on the outside and distracting the ref, Shane attacks Pac. This leads to it just being HHH and Chyna in the ring. HHH teases hitting the Pedigree before Kane saves the day and hits the Chokeslam. The Big Red Machine then rolled Chyna on top of HHH for the win. Not a bad match. Not amazing or anything but I enjoyed it.


– Time for the WWF title match which the announcers are hyping up as the final match between Mankind and Rock.


– Before the match, a video plays recapping their feud.


Match #7

Last Man Standing

WWF Championship

The Rock vs. Mankind(c)

– Rock is still wearing his warmups to cover up for his titty surgery.

– The first count happens after Foley smacks Rock in the face with the belt.

– Both guys fight on the soundstage. Foley soon puts Rock through a table set up on the outside with a DDT but Rock beats the count.

– They keep brawling on the ramp as Foley is selling a leg injury caused by Rocky attacking him on Heat.

– Eventually, they make it back in the ring where Foley tries to mock the People’s Elbow but misses.

– LMAO, Rock just told a fan to go f*** himself.

– Rock picks up a headset from the announce table and run his mouth which is always awesome.

– Plunder comes into play as Rock targets Mankind’s injured leg with a chair.

– Mankind fights back and tries to Piledrive Rock on the announce table but Rock back body drops his way out of it, causing Foley to bang up his leg even more. That looked like it sucked to take. Cole is really angry about this for some reason. Cool it down, drama queen. There is such a thing as over-selling something.

– Corporate Elbow connects from Rock but it’s not enough to get the win.

– It’s obvious that Rock is gonna turn face in the next few months. He’s way too entertaining to be a heel. Dude picks up a mic and starts singing in the middle of the match only for Mankind to lock in the Mandible Claw. Rock keeps the mic to his mouth so that you can actually hear him  selling the submission. Awesome.

– Ref takes a bump and goes down so he can’t count Rock out who is pretty much done after the Mandible Claw. Foley helps the ref get back up but too much time has been wasted and Rock staggers back to his feet.

– Foley soon pulls out Mr. Socko and tries to lock in the claw again but Rock counters with a Rock Bottom.

– The match was going along great until the rotten finish. Both guys whack each other with a steel chair at the same time. This left both guys unable to answer the 10-count and had the match end in a draw. Awesome match, almost as good as the I-Quit match, but that finish kinda took away from the match. If they wanted it to be a draw, they should just have had both guys stay down after Rock countered the Mandible Claw with the Rock Bottom. That way, you can sell it as Rock just didn’t have the energy to get up after being put in the Claw earlier in the match while Foley’s leg injury stopped him from getting up. What they did was just dumb. I got what they were going for but the execution was really poor.

– Crowd is rightfully chanting “Bulls***!” at the finish. Both guys get stretchered out.

– Video plays hyping up the feud between Austin and Vince leading up to the main event.

Match #8

Steel Cage

If Austin wins, he gets to fight for the WWF title at WM XV

“Stone Cold” Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon

– Remember, Vince promised before the match that no Corporation member will get involved. I’m sure that ties into the finish.

– Game of cat and mouse to start the match as Vince refuses to enter the cage at first. Austin goes “fuck this” and goes after Vince. Vince tricks Austin by running back into the cage just as Austin gets out of it. Austin tries to climb back over the cage but Vince climbs out to try and stop him. Match hasn’t officially started yet BTW.

– Austin fakes a knee injury to lure Vince to come back outside. The Rattlesnake beats on Vince on the outside as the ref tries to get this dumb redneck back in the ring so they can start the damn main event.

– Vince actually gets in some offense before trying to escape through the crowd. Just like they did at the Rumble, Austin chases Vince through the crowd. I guess Austin, being a moron, just forgot that the last time Vince did this, he got his ass beat by the Corporation in a bathroom.

– They brawl in the crowd for a while (too long IMO) before going back to cageside. These guys have been brawling for like five minutes and the match still hasn’t started.

– Austin is just beating the dogfuck out of Vince at this point.

– Eventually, both guys climb up the side of the cage and Vince takes an insane bump where goes flying off the cage through an announce table on the outside! Vince is crazy as hell, just in case you were wondering.


– BTW, these guys have been out for like 10 minutes and the match STILL hasn’t started.

– A stretcher comes out for Vince and the ref tries to just award the match to Austin but Austin says it’s bullshit because the match never actually started. Austin carts Vince back to the ring and at this point it’s just like , “Stop! Stop, he’s already dead!”

– The match FINALLY starts after Austin tosses the boss into the cage.

– After beating on Vince some more, Stone Cold decides that even his fists can only have so much McMahon blood on them in one day and goes to walk out of the cage. Vince flips him off before he exits the cage door and Austin, being the redneck idiot that he is, goes back into the cage to beat on Vince some more.

– Vince musters up some offense after a low blow and tries to escape the cage but Austin just goes “lol” and cuts him off.

– Austin might as well take a s*** on Vince’s chest at this point.

– Austin, once again feeling his bloodlust satisfied, tries to escape again but Vince flips him off yet again and Stone Cold decides he is gonna beat him worse than Rusev beats blacks.

Vince McMahon: Running amuck, Never giving a f***.

– Just when it seems like all hope is lost for our favorite Genetic Jackhammer, Big Show makes his WWF debut by popping out of the ring and attacking Austin. Begs the question of, if he was under the ring this entire time, why did he wait so long to help Vince?

– Show looks so odd with hair now.

– In what was the dumbest finish I’ve seen in a long while, Show threw Austin into the cage so damn hard that it caused to the entire cage wall to the open. Austin fell to the ground and won the match.

– So, they spent all that money to lure Show away from WCW only to make him look like a complete goof not even two minutes after his debut. STUPID STUPID STUPID. This is the type of shit that can only be written by somebody that doesn’t get pro-wrestling (or good storytelling for that matter) so shout out to Vince Russo. The show ends with Vince looking sad in the ring while Show looks mad as f*** that he’s basically dead on arrival as far momentum goes and Austin celebrates his win.

– I hated that whole thing. Vince’s big bump was insane but the entire match was just Austin beating on Vince for-fucking-ever before a terrible finish. The whole thing went way too long and it had no business main eventing a PPV.

On the whole, I would say that I enjoyed this more than the Rumble by a fair margin. While there wasn’t a match as good as the I-Quit match on this show, there was four matches (Rock/Foley, Venis/Shamrock, DX vs. Corporation, & the tag title match) that I would call good or better. Even the hardcore match, while not technically a good match, was enjoyable. On the downside, the opener on this show was easily worse than anything on the Rumble and the main event left a bad taste in my mouth.

Match of the Night: The Rock vs. Mankind (WWF title, Last Man Standing)

Worst Match of the Night: Goldust vs. “Bluedust”