Cinemasochist’s Dungeon of Horrors #52: Copper Mountain

“Copper Mountain” is an infomercial thinly disguised as a film. It’s sole purpose is to sell people on Copper Mountain, a celebrated ski resort in Colorado. I have no doubt the resort is a wonderful place to visit, but this “film” didn’t sell me on it one bit. The reason being is that it uses cheap tactics to lure you in. Half of the film’s running time is devoted to musical acts by the likes of Rita Coolidge, Ronnie Hawkins and others. There’s nothing particularly wrong with these musical segments; they just feel out of place and spliced in. It’s the equivalent of the lonely kid on the block who got the new gaming system and is flaunting it off in order to obtain friends. In that regard, I’m surprised there wasn’t a scene where the guests were wowed by playing the brand new Nintendo Entertainment System.

I haven’t even gotten to the most unintentionally hilarious cameo. Considering this film’s biggest selling point is the skiing, the producers snagged legendary skier Jean-Claude Killy to enter the tournament the film is wrapped around. The producers don’t have much faith in his drawing power, however, so they insert a scene where a star struck helicopter pilot runs down his accomplishments, as if he needs the confirmation that he’s indeed talking to the real Jean-Claude Killy. For my sake, this was a worthwhile sequence, as I had no idea who Jean-Claude Killy was. I thought it was a pseudonym for Jean-Claude Van Damme.

With such star power in the form of Rita Coolidge, Ronnie Hawkins & Jean-Claude Killy, “Copper Mountain” would’ve easily been lost in the annals of time. The producers are fortunate enough that the two young leads they cast went on to become big stars. Those two actors being Jim Carrey & Alan Thicke. You may have heard of them. It’s because of them that this film is even available anymore. That’s not a good thing, though.

As I mentioned earlier, this is an infomercial thinly disguised as a film. The director, David Mitchell, tricks you into thinking you’re going to watch an actual film, as it starts off like one. Two friends, Bobby Todd (Jim Carrey) & Jackson Reach (Alan Thicke), are two Chicago natives traveling to Copper Mountain for vacation. Bobby wants to overcome his fear of women and Jackson wants to win the skiing competition. Nothing earth shattering, but serviceable enough. The problem is that, once they get to Copper Mountain, they’re basically forgotten about.

This film runs for roughly sixty minutes and I’d argue nearly a half an hour of it is devoted to musical acts. The remaining thirty minutes is given to Bobby & Jackson’s escapades. It’s clear there was more footage filmed, as important sequences are seemingly cut from the final product. Take for example a heart to heart conversation Bobby has with a successful…businessman, of some sort. This businessman’s not only a success in his career, but also with the ladies. He takes a liking to Bobby and gives him some advice, none of which we get to hear. The editor thought this was a good time to cut to another musical act.

That’s not the worst example of lost footage, though. That would belong to Jackson Reach; whose name, by the way, sounds like a rejected action hero. He gets the meat of the story as he’s entered into the big skiing competition held at the resort. First, he has to qualify, in a match he actually loses. The winner drops out and allows Jackson to enter solely because he’s already won a few competitions. I’m not kidding. Skip ahead to the final race, where Reach is going to take on the legendary Jean-Claude Killy and…the editor once again cuts to a musical act. We never get to see the big race that the film was (haphazardly) building to. It cuts back to the end of the race, which our hero lost, but he learned a valuable lesson about not being cocky. What the hell is wrong with these people?!?

Maybe I should be thanking the people who worked on this project. Sure, they delivered a pointless and dreadful infomercial. But, they did cut down the scenes devoted to Bobby & Jackson. I know I just made this sound like a negative, which it is from a storytelling perspective. From an entertainment perspective, it was a smart decision, as the two protagonists are insufferable jackasses. Bobby won’t stop making lame impressions and purposely screws up his chances with women. How can I possibly sympathize with a grown adult who believes breaking into the women’s sauna is a good pick-up method? Jackson isn’t any better; he’s a jerk of the highest order, acting smug throughout the film and constantly making fat jokes about his opponents. I know he redeemed himself by the end by learning a lesson, but that was so forced and undercooked that I wasn’t buying it.

There’s nothing redeemable about “Copper Mountain”. There may be some pretty shots of the ski resort, but I can see those by picking up a brochure. The musical acts are decent enough, but are completely pointless. The two protagonists are insufferable. It doesn’t matter that both actors went on to become huge, likable stars. There’s no “wow” factor surrounding this early performance of theirs. There’s only a “Why am I watching this?” factor surrounding the entire film.

Final Rating: F