Remember “Santa with Muscles”? Let me indulge your memory. That was a film starring Hulk Hogan as a selfish bodybuilder who suffers amnesia and believes he’s Santa Claus. The humor was supposed to arise from this mistaken identity, all the while the selfish lout learned about kindness. The film was a failure, but it was fun to laugh at.
“Santa Who?” is a film about Santa Claus (Leslie Nielsen) falling out of his sleigh and suffering amnesia. He lands on the car of Peter Albright (Steven Eckholdt), a selfish television reporter who lost faith after his letter to Santa was snubbed as a child. The humor is supposed to arise from Santa not knowing who is, all the while dressed as Santa and being treated as such. Peter is supposed to learn a lesson about kindness and be a good father figure to his girlfriend’s son. It’s almost a failure and it’s not fun to laugh at.
On the surface, “Santa Who?” isn’t a terrible film. It’s certainly not a good one, but the material could at least make for a decent television movie. What makes it worse is it’s lazy humor and forced emotions. Most of the jokes come from people stating that Nielsen could in fact be the real Santa, but meaning it tongue in cheek. The rest of them consist of Peter getting beaten up and pissed on by children while wearing a Santa suit. My problem isn’t so much that the humor is lowbrow as it is just tired and redundant.
As for the sentimental aspect, director William Dear didn’t even seem to try and evoke any real emotions. He flowed through the motions, having Peter be an asshole, but remind us of his sad past. His mother died when he was seven and his father left him at an orphanage. He wrote a letter to Santa, but the caretaker burned it in the fire. It turns out this was an ancient ritual that was supposed to get it to Santa faster and it technically did. Jolly Old Saint Nick simply left it in his suit and forgot about it until twenty-five years later. I assume you can see where this is going.
What Dear doesn’t do, because he didn’t seem to care about the film, was to actually develop Peter into a likable character. While his back story is sad, it’s no excuse to act like a selfish asshole. Why get into a year long relationship with a single mother if you don’t want to be around kids? Why dash both of their hopes and dreams and act like a spoiled little brat when confronted about it? Why exploit an amnesiac and have his real family find him via news reports? Why suggest doing stories on suicide and criminal Santas (in a family film, no less)? William was going for severely depressed, but Eckholdt’s performance came off as grimy.
Thrown in is a race against the clock to add to the flat tension. If Santa doesn’t return to the North Pole, Christmas will be ruined. I find this aspect amusing as Dear sets up early on that Santa has grown tired of the commercialization of Christmas. You’d think the message would be that presents aren’t what Christmas is about. Nope! Everybody, including Santa and his elves, are worried that Christmas will be ruined if they don’t deliver the gifts. Way to fumble the ball on that one!
Have I seen worse Christmas films? Yes. Have I seen more aggravating Christmas films? Sure. Have I seen more offensive Christmas films? Certainly. While “Santa Who?” may not be as excruciating as other films, it’s just as cheap. There’s no real heart and, despite Nielsen’s energetic performance, it feels like a cheap cash-in for the holidays. Which is nauseating considering it’s anti-commercialism message. Maybe it is as bad as some of the other disasters I’ve seen.
Final Rating: D+