“C Me Dance” is such a bad film that it’s title is derived from a throwaway line about a license plate. I’m sure Greg Robbins would tell you it’s symbolism, especially with how the ending played out, but I call it lazy. Which is the best word to describe this manipulative drivel disguised as a film! It’s essentially a sermon with mediocre special effects.
It starts off bad, but with good intentions. Sheri (Christina DeMarco) lost her mother in a car accident when she was a baby. It was caused by a trucker who took a queue from “Duel”, though I’m sure Robbins wants us to believe it was the Devil himself driving it. This has obviously devastated her father, Vince (Greg Robbins himself), who has done his best to raise her right. Jump ahead to present time and she’s a successful ballet dancer and all-around good girl.
Then it’s announced that she has leukemia. Incurable leukemia that will kill her by Christmas (the film takes place immediately after Thanksgiving). This makes her doubt her religion, but Robbins is too afraid of the audience doing the same, so he quickly has God give her the power to heal others. Simply by touching them or looking into their souls, she leads them to God by showing them Jesus’ sacrifices. Why God couldn’t do this himself is never really explained. Too bad he didn’t give her the gift of covering up plot holes!
This is where the film goes off the rails and crashes into unintentional hilarity territory. While the film was weak and manipulative to begin with, it did have the makings of a fine drama. One where it tackles faith and mortality. Robbins quickly skates over that and gives Sheri superpowers, which is surely sorcery. I believe that is the work of the Devil by most religious definitions, but it’s hard to keep each religion’s beliefs intact nowadays.
Robbins has us covered by actually making the Devil a character. Here he is played by Peter Kent, who bears a resemblance to Robert Z’Dar (oh, how I wish he was in this film). The way he lures people to Hell is by allowing them free will to make bad decisions. Just go with it. He haunts Sheri and Vince throughout the film, though his tactics are arguably weak. All he does is hover over them and breathe. As for his looks, he resembles somebody who has a bad case of sunburn. Hardly an intimidating dark lord.
Halfway through “C Me Dance”, I was beginning to get pissed off and offended. Robbins was beginning to shove his message down the audience’s throat and made it seem as if everything from metal music to movies that threatened family values was wrong. Slowly, this became hilarious! All it takes is Sheri staring into the eyes of movie executives and curing them of their evil ways to stop me from being irate and becoming gleeful. Not his intention, but I’m glad his inept direction caused such happiness!
The two funniest scenes in the film occur close to each other. The first is when Pastor Jeff (Hugh McLean) snaps and states everybody making their own decisions is pissing him off. How dare they not follow his preaching?!? The next is when Sheri’s powers actually lowers the rape and murder rate in town, closes down local adult stores and causes movie studios to stop production on “sacrilegious” projects. The characters are so smug about this that they don’t even realize they’re succumbing to, in their own words, the worst sin of all; pride.
It’s films like this which is why Christian movie companies are getting laughed at. It’s almost a shame, as I’ve seen religious films that don’t beat you over the head with their messages. Unfortunately, those companies don’t make enough money, hence why unintentionally hilarious garbage like this has a stronger reach. Which is ironic considering one of their messages is that greed is evil. It’s that lackluster direction that makes these awful films such fun watches!
Final Rating: FF (Fun Failure)