Welcome everybody to the inaugural edition of The Cinemasochist’s Dungeon of Horrors! For those that don’t know, I have officially cancelled Movienalia! Truth be told, it was taking it’s toll on me. Each edition would take me anywhere between four to five hours. I also felt that I was limiting myself to what bad and strange films I could induct. After all, I had to choose something that was strange or ridiculous enough to warrant a full breakdown. Films that are horrible simply because they’re boring didn’t lend themselves well to this format (I’m looking at you, “How I Saved the President”).
I didn’t want to completely eradicate the idea of reviewing bad movies. I’m the Cinemasochist, after all! It’s what I do! I decided to simply alter the formula. Instead of the intricate Movienalia write-ups, I’d switch back to traditional reviews. This makes it easier on myself and more accessible to those who weren’t fond of Movienalia’s formula. Everybody wins!
What better film to induct as the first entry than a terrible Adam Sandler comedy? It should be stated that I actually like Adam Sander. I found a lot of his earlier comedies (such as “Billy Madison”, “Happy Gilmore” and “The Waterboy”) to be funny and even feel he has dramatic range (see “Punch Drunk Love”, “
Spanglish”, “Funny People” and “Reign Over Me”). It’s that his recent comedic efforts have been less than stellar (“Grown Ups” being the exception; yes, I actually liked that film). I don’t count “Click”, as I felt that worked because of it’s surprising dramatic elements.
“That’s My Boy” is a good example as to why Sandler’s shtick has grown old. Simply put, it’s because he has. It’s not funny watching a grown man act like a child. It was acceptable in the nineties because he was still in his twenties/early thirties. Now that he’s nearing fifty, it’s becoming depressing. Admittedly, he wasn’t playing a man child in either “Just Go With It” or “Jack and Jill”, but those were abominations in their own right. This film is admittedly better than those, but so is a rectal exam by Edward Scissorhands.
I tried to convince myself Sandler did those aforementioned films for the money and donated most of it to charities. After seeing the immature jokes in this film, I’m convinced he granted a horny thirteen year old’s Make-A-Wish. How else do you explain the main plot of Donny (Adam Sandler) fathering a son via screwing his teacher in High School (possibly Middle School)? If you think it’s a way for Sean Anders (who is filling in for Dennis Dugan, I presume) to speak on the matter of child molestation and how, when a female teacher does it to a male student it’s praised (Donny gets a standing ovation and becomes an overnight success), but a male teacher does it to a female student and it’s (rightfully) maligned, I wouldn’t call you crazy. I actually thought that was the case during the opening.
Then eighteen years passes and the fart jokes and swear words keep coming. Not sporadically, mind you, but almost every minute. We also get masturbation jokes galore! There’s a scene where Donny masturbates to a grandmother in her nineties, then screws her later. What thirteen year old wouldn’t find that funny? To those older than that who laughed at this, I’m not looking down at you. I won’t lie; I laughed at a few immature jokes here and there. It’s just that they come too fierce and quickly that it feels as if they’re overcompensating for a lack of wit.
What bothers me about this film aren’t the immature jokes. Truth be told, they generate more laughs here than Sandler’s last two comedies. It’s the fact that Donny is celebrated by everybody by acting the same way in his forties that he did in his teens. The gist of the story is that his son, Han Solo (yes, he named him that), is getting married under his new name, Todd (Andy Samberg). To nobody’s surprise, Donny was a horrible father and Todd resented him for this. When he turned eighteen, he left home and never spoke to his father again. He did a good job of hiding from him until Donny spotted his wedding announcement in the paper.
Donny needs forty-three thousand dollars in back taxes or else he goes to jail. After noticing that his son is wealthy and is going to be even richer after marrying Jamie (Leighton Meester), he decides to trick him into staging a reunion with his mother (who received a thirty year sentence in prison) and having it air on television for fifty thousand dollars. When he randomly arrives at their doorstep, he’s accepted by the originally snooty family (led by Happy Madison regular Blake Clark) simply by being his douche bag self. When he salutes Chad (Milo Ventimiglia), Jamie’s army brother and the worst stereotype/character I’ve possibly ever seen, he graciously accepts it. Yet, when Todd did it a few minutes prior, he threatened him and told him it was disrespectful. It doesn’t add up.
This gets us on Todd’s side, but only for a little while. As time goes on, we’re supposed to like Donny and feel sympathy for him. I won’t doubt that he loves his son, but his attitude is abysmal and I fully support Todd’s disproval of him. I would lie to and say my parents died in an explosion and state that Donny’s simply an old friend. I also wouldn’t expect James Caan (yes, that James Caan) to arrive as a priest and punch his lights out simply because he didn’t like his father. And no, stating that, since his father wasn’t a murderer or rapist, that he was a decent man doesn’t make it acceptable.
Between the forced melodrama, the lousy potty humor (including Nick Swardson’s creepiest cameo to date as a filthy strip club patron) and the numerous nineties references (admittedly, Vanilla Ice’s extended cameo was humorous), “That’s My Boy” is headache inducing. Never once do you like the characters (even Todd is too whiny to fully get behind) or understand their motivations. And don’t even get me started on the reveal of who Jamie is cheating on Todd with (if you count that as a spoiler, I feel sorry for you; the trailers made it clear that Todd and Jamie aren’t technically a happy couple and she’s just using him). That was proof to me that a thirteen year old wrote this. Maybe that teenager will find this funny. I didn’t!
Final Rating: C-