Ad Break: Five Bad Video Game Commercials

A while back on an edition of Playing With Power, I looked at some classic NES commercials. Most pretty decent, and definitely solid at selling the products in question, while others not being entirely too hot. So, I figured that I should bring this article back and look at some other classic commercials. Good ones, bad ones, or just ones that don’t do as good a job at selling their product as one would hope.

The video game industry is known for having some incredible commercials. A good commercial can be the difference maker in how well your product sells. And some times, there are ads that don’t do that simple little task all too well. In fact, some are so bad, they seem to drive potential buyers away with their illogical BS. So, without further ado, these are five bad video game commercials. They’re not the worst of all time, not are they in any particular order. They’re just five ads that really aren’t doing their product any favors. So, let’s kick things off.

#1. Atari Jaguar – Do The Math

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxuna944dls

Ever since the crash of 83, Atari was getting their collective asses kicked in the video game markets. Past attempts like the 5200 and the 7200 had fallen flat when attempting to combat the juggernaut that was the Nintendo Entertainment System. In one more ill fated leap into the console wars, the Atari would release the Jaguar, a system they would openly tout as the first 64 bit gaming console. So, how do you advertise such a supposed leap in graphical gaming capability?

Well, probably not how Atari would.

The first major ad for the Jaguar would feature a video game marketing seminar, with some woman with a seriously bad anger problem and a nervous twitch trying to teach the major difference between 16, 32, and 64 bits to a group of rather slow 30-40 year olds. Because you know, the first person I’d go to for advice on anything is someone with a serious anger problem. The commercial does its prime directive, which is to sell the oh-so-important 64 bits that the Jaguar claimed to have, and how its far superior to the Genesis and 3DO (I guess the SNES can go wanting).  She end the commercial by yelling “Jaguar, Jaguar, JAGUAR!”, and really comes off sounding like some frustrated little child instead of someone who’s supposed to be teaching people how to sell a gaming console.

But for anyone who knows the truth knows that the system was never really a 64 bit gaming console, in fact it was just two 32 bit processors instead. not to mention that the games on the Jaguar for the most part weren’t very impressive looking, even for the time the console was released. The system’s slogan was do the math, but apparently a lot of people did, and went with other consoles over the Jaguar, and it slowly vanished into obscurity.

#2. Cybermorph

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7uI9vBMNic

Okay, no. This isn’t just going to be a whole article bashing the Atari Jaguar, but if you really needed to see the magic of the advertisers behind the Jaguar, look no further than their ad for Cybermorph. If you recall the Angry Video Game Nerd’s review of the Jaguar console, you’ll remember this as the game with the green head that constantly says “Where did you learn to fly?” every time you bump into something.

The commercial actually starts out okay, it sells the game well, it’s hyped up and energetic, everything seems like a good commercial. And then the last two seconds show up, and we get a nice shot of the kid playing the game throwing up into the camera. I’m not a prude when it comes to gross out humour, but somehow I don’t think a game that supposedly induces vomiting is exactly luring me into wanting your system Atari. I guess though if you really want to look into things, it speaks volumes about the console.

Atari Jaguar: Play it, and you’ll puke.

Unless you play Doom, which I heard was a solid port.

#3. Atari XE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDLlfCQbF1s

No, really, I swear to you. I didn’t just make this whole thing to rip on Atari. But when you get down to it, when they were getting their asses handed to them, Atari really made some advertising boners. And this one is no exception. In what definitely comes off as Atari’s most desperate attempt to compete with Nintendo, they carted out this poor sap of a commercial.

They open the ad by showing the NES, and says that it can play about 80 games (you know, despite the fact that games were being released all the time at that point), but Atari’s new XE game system can play hundreds of games… that you could play on the other cheaper Atari machines, let’s not forget that. And Atari comes with a REAL JOYSTICK… Why settle for a controller with simplified D-Pad and multiple buttons, when you can go for a flimsy, callous causing joystick with one whole button!

But wait, there’s more.

Both have guns, but only Atari comes with the game Bug Hunt. Because, you know, the NES didn’t get packaged with Duck Hunt at the time, and you know…

This

 

Looks a hell of a lot more fun than

This

But wait, they’re not done yet. You see, Nintendo comes with a robot, and that’s fine. But only Atari X-E comes with a keyboard! Okay, that one I’ll give to Atari, since R.O.B became obsolete early on.

This ad feels desperate. It tries really hard to sell that they’re a better console than Nintendo, but for the most part, the stuff they sell doesn’t come off nearly as fun as anything the NES was pumping out at the time. Nintendo was no pun intended stepping their game up, while what Atari was bringing to the table wasn’t all up to snuff. So unfortunately despite having Bug Hunt and a real keyboard, this was another dud for Atari. And as we’d see, far from the last.

#4. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AyE3EXTj58

By the mid 90’s, Nintendo was starting to earn some disdain for selling their product to a younger audience, while seemingly leaving the older demographic behind. Didn’t help matters with the legendarily silly decision to censor the SNES port of Mortal Kombat, which would actually attract more customers to the Genesis with their promise of blood. Nintendo definitely took this defeat, and changed things around in 1994, when they started the legendary Play It Loud campaign.

Play it loud was Nintendo’s attempt to come off as hipper to the 90’s teen demographic. Ads with songs by Alternative Rock band Butthole Surfers, as well as a harder sell on being more edgy in their selling of games. For the most part, I love these ads. It was Nintendo at their most hardcore, and for someone who was a teen in the 90’s, it hit at that right time. Still was a Sega kid, but that’s a whole other can of worms.

But for as brilliant as the ad campaign was, one commercial sticks out like a rather disgusting thumb. And that was the ad for Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island. Now, before I even get to the ad itself, I will say that I consider Yoshi’s Island to be one of the greatest games of all time. A darn near perfect combination of gameplay, graphics, level design, and challenge. And years later, I can still pop this one in, and have a great time.

But that doesn’t excuse this ad. The ad involves this really fat guy stuffing his face with everything from spaghetti, jello, cake, and other stuff. All while the advertiser sells Yoshi’s Island for its graphics, gameplay, and the gimmick known as “Morphmation”. The fat guy eats one more bite, and a’la Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life, he then swells up and vomits everywhere, as his slimy vomit entrails leaves the words “Play it Loud” splattered on the wall. So, just like Cybermorph, the biggest selling point is puke.

Nintendo and gross-out humor just don’t mix well. Not only was this a prime example, but lest we forget the print ad campaign Nintendo used for Earthbound. if I can segue for just one second.

Instead of trying to sell a genuinely solid RPG with quirky characters, a great story, and some great humour, Nintendo tried to go the more “Nickelodeon” route with references to fart, belch, and puke jokes. Not to mention smelly scratch and sniff cards. It just doesn’t mesh well, since Earthbound was never really about any of that kind of humour. And it’s no wonder the game unfortunately bombed in the US. Just one example of some things in the 90’s that are thankfully passed their expiry date, and immature gross out jokes are definitely one of them.

#1. PS3 Baby

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqkNPcUMffU

The year is Two Thousand Ought Six, and Sony was finally ready to jump into the current gaming battle with the third instalment of the Playstation console. Despite a rather embarrassing E3 showing, not to mention the still mind boggling starting price of $599 US dollars for the console, Sony still felt that no matter what they did, or now matter how they sold it, the PS3 was going to do gangbusters.

So much so, that they put out a $150 million dollar ad campaign… that didn’t help things at all.

A couple of the more infamous ones were the PS3 causing a carton of eggs to turn into adult birds, as well as an ad with a woman with an odd looking face. But the one that everyone wishes they could forget was the baby one. The ad has the PS3 in a room with a robotic baby doll. The baby makes sounds, as its creepy animatrionic face moves about, as well as a really freaky laugh. The eyes glow, it cries, and finally gives out a creepy “mama”.

You ever watch the Mr. Plow episode of The Simpsons? Remember that ad Homer gets made that makes no sense at all, and doesn’t at all sell the fact that Homer is a snow plow driver? This right here is the video game equivalent of that commercial.

It makes no sense whatsoever. I can tell it’s supposed to say that the PS3 is some superior power that is greater than all devices, but seriously… what was even the point? It doesn’t sell the graphical capabilities, the games, the Blu-Ray abilities, or anything else that the PS3 has to offer. It tries to rely on artsy foolishness that goes over the heads of the target audience. Then again, this was right around the time Sony was also doing the questionably offensive PSP ads, so whoever was the ad exec at the time was certainly not doing their job right.

In fact, considering how much BS was in these ads, I can only guess it was her.