Bridesmaids XXX Porn Parody starts off with one major improvement over the original; it had me laughing in the first minute. Anthony Rosano as Ted was simply hilarious, and the opening scene of him and Annie (Lexi Swallow) having awkward, out-of-rhythm sex created an actual vocal reaction. It’s a real credit to the comedy Rosano’s facial expressions can create when the first thing I’m talking about in a porn is how funny some guy was.
Anthony Rosano as Ted
Bridesmaids XXX was based off of the hit 2011 comedy Bridesmaids, which while I did think it was a good movie I didn’t find it to be a particularly funny one. I enjoyed seeing Chris O’Dowd on the big screen, and Jon Hamm was wonderfully heelish. The biggest standout was easily Melissa McCarthy as Megan, the only main cast member to more than once get a chuckle out of me. Fine film, but not one I’m going to be watching again this decade.
Rosano made me laugh then had sex with Katie St. Ives. Good day.
But I was excited for this parody from Smash Pictures, based largely on the casting. As everyone knows I’m a ridiculously huge fan of April O’Neil’s, and was awash in ecstasy when I saw who was appearing with her; Katie St. Ives. Both of these are woman I’ve been singing the praises of since very early in their careers, and they’d yet to do a movie or scene together. I still wasn’t lucky enough to have them together as St. Ives’ Helen Harris and O’Neil’s newlywed Becca had separate sex scenes, but conveniently located on one dvd is a step in the right direction!
Totally stole this from Katie's blog like they stole my heart
April’s Becca is almost spot-on to the Ellie Kemper take. April has such a sweet disposition and look that she can fall right into the kind of naive, bubbly character Becca is without much effort and you completely believe in it. She really is an effective actress, and for a long time I’ve been really impressed with her non-sex work. I noticed its development on Brazzer’s Hot and Mean, where in scenes with Georgia Jones and Yurizan Beltran she played characters on total opposite ends of the spectrum and both were really good. Between that and her look April really makes it too easy to praise her sometimes.
So pretty.
Katie St. Ives as Helen Harris III could not have been better casted for what they needed that character to be. Helen Harris III is (superficially) supposed to be the antithesis of Annie, and it’s all there in that first scene with her on the staircase. It’s why Katie works so perfectly. If you were looking for someone to hold up as an example of flawless beauty and grace, the list of names other than Katie is so short. She is so ridiculously and effortlessly attractive that I wouldn’t want anyone else in this role. I have never seen a bad picture of her, and that’s just who Helen Harris came off as. Made up or natural, glammed up or dressed down, she’s always come off as amazing looking. If I was a woman I’d be jealous of Katie. Beyond looks she has a delivery that came off a bit cold and disconnected at times, but this is a woman living a lie trying to keep everyone else thinking she’s bulletproof.
swoon
Seriously, Katie and April have the best four boobs in the world
Lexi Swallow is a girl I don’t think I’ve ever seen before, which still seems strange to me given she’s a blonde with big tits. I always figured I had those pretty well covered. As far as being blonde with big tits she really did an excellent job, so if that’s your thing I’m sure you’ll enjoy her scene with Jack Lawrence and the various other times we see her naked/topless over the course of movie. Her Annie was good, but she never came off as sympathetic – or as flat out pathetic – as Kristen Wiig’s. One factor being the majority of the films two and a half hour running time is devoted to sex instead of the actual character, and the other being Wiig is just flat out better at playing her. Swallow did a good range of expression though, and was able to mimic Annie’s little looks pretty strongly at points. Wiig just has a lot more experience in this sort of thing. But you know what? She showed her boobs during sex scenes so that still gives her some points. One minor complaint I had in Bridesmaids is that Wiig was never topless it seemed. The scene in the middle of the film, with Hamm folding her asking if her new guy could do that, works ten times better in the adult version.
She's just so super-pretty it's hard to not post pics!
Rita is played by Kagney Linn Karter, a big-boob blonde I do know! I had never seen her acting though, so that part was new. Her casting is probably my biggest complaint, because I would have liked someone older. She seems way too young and tight to have had three kids, so during the non-sex scenes she stood out because of it. That’s not a knock against what she did bring to the movie, and if I’m being honest I’m sure I know lots of women Kagney’s age that are sporting a few kids. Maybe she started young like those four girls in my last year of middle school.
My most pleasant surprise of the film was the way Sarah Vandella handled her role as Lillian. Everyone else channeled (or tried to) the character from the original, and Vandella’s felt the most unique. It could just be that Lillian is more of an everywoman compared to the comedy aspects of the other girls, but I really enjoyed the performance because I didn’t know exactly what Vandella was going to do next. This is also probably the cutest I’ve ever seen her, and now I have a little bit of a crush.
"Cock goes here" jokes don't work as well if its a skin flick. Still think it though.
Sasha Knox was tapped to play this version of Megan, and did a stellar job. She was as crude and funny as the McCarthy version, and probably more so as the sex jokes are ramped up. And just like in the original, she was the character that entertained me the most. Knox’s Megan also had the largest amount of new lines, keeping her fresh and leaving me waiting for her next scene. It was probably a bit of a task to balance a gross-out character with a girl we’ll be seeing having sex soon, but they pulled it off. She got a nice bit of personality from that sex scene as well, as she very clearly forces herself onto the air marshal as the sexual aggressor. Sasha was the third girl I was excited to see in the picture, because her second scene in Prom Team 2 is my all-time top ten.
Twinkie cookie!!
The movie presentation itself was pretty straight-forward; I went in having seen Bridesmaids, but if you didn’t you’d only be missing bits and pieces of the plot. It’s largely cribbed from the source material, so jokes and scenes will seem very repetitive if you’ve recently watched the original. It didn’t set out to reinvent the story though, so I wouldn’t qualify that as a complaint. Annie’s roommates were relegated to an off-screen cameo, and Officer Rhodes got very little screen time, but the cuts are done in a way that’s not too damaging for the story to be told. Again, given this is a porno I think they managed to do a lot with what they were given time too. And I’m very thankful they did expand on one tiny plot-point, moving Rita and Becca’s airplane kiss to a full one lesbian love scene in the airport with Kagney and April. It’s always nice to see April being allowed to revisit her girl/girl roots. I also want to make special note of the ending theme. While ‘Hold On’ played in the original, I was surprised to hear it starting up right before the end credits of this version…until I heard the lyrics and vocals. No, this was ‘Hard On’, sung by Wigzon Phyllis.
DVD Cover of Bridesmaid XXX
The dvd, first off, comes in a hilariously enormous box.
It’s so silly that I don’t want to get rid of it, and I usually sleeve all my movies. It’s in HD for those who want to see every nook and cranny, and looked great on my little tv. I only had one issue with the audio, where in the opening scene it gets too loud and drowns out the conversation a bit. For special features you have a still gallery of the girls and their scenes, as well as a 20 minute behind the scenes feature. The chapters are broken up in a very useful porn way – the scene selection leads you to the girl’s scenes, then there are smaller breaks for each of the positions they use. Overall a good presentation and worth the $25 I spent on it and I’d recommend the film to any fans of the girls featured or of simply solid porn parodies. And if you were a huge Bridesmaids fan you’ll probably enjoy it even more than I did. Most of the repeated scenes are done as well, and in a couple of cases better, then the original.
And a way hotter cast
JD knows how to pick 'em
And here’s some places you can follow them (nsfw obviously)
April, daydreaming about how awesome her and Katie's boobs are
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