Wrestling With Extra Sleaze – Daffney vs Traci in a Boob-Off

This edition of Wrestling With Extra Sleaze is brought to you by plastic.  Remember kids: Plastics make it possible!

It’s arguable whether TNA really knows what to do with the wealth of talent that they have, but someone who knows it first hand would be none other than the self-proclaimed “Goth Goddess” Daffney.  First appearing as David Flair’s girlfriend in WCW, Daffney continued toiling in the wrestling business for years until getting possibly her biggest exposure in TNA.  Between the buxom beauty’s look, originality and capability in the ring, Daffney was quite over with the TNA fans but the TNA brass never really seemed to capitalize.  That and a string of ill-fated injuries, including a bump through a barbed wire table that didn’t even air on television and a match with greener-than-hell Rosie Lottalove, forced Daffney to not only leave TNA but file a worker’s compensation suit as well, claiming that TNA had forced her to work through such injuries.  Whether Daffney’s lawsuit will hold up in court is an entirely different matter, her overall run in TNA could be considered disappointing and possibly Sleazy.

But is it as Sleazy as the time she wrestled Traci Brooks in a match where they were fighting for a cardboard cut-out of Kurt Angle and the ring psychology was primarily based around both women having fake breasts?  Yes, this actually happened.

This match is just one of five on Daffney’s first Dangerous Divas DVD, available only through Highspots.  For those that don’t know, every so often Highspots hires a few female wrestlers, films matches between all the possible combinations and releases them on DVDs catering either to die-hard fans or lonely schmucks like me.  The kicker is that none of these matches are filmed before a live audience.  Now that may be a bit Sleazy when you think about it.  It’s reminiscent of the old days of Pro Wrestling Illustrated where they had articles and ads about ladies’ “apartment wrestling”  Even today, Lexie Fyfe of Shimmer fame runs a similar racket called SLAMmin Ladies.  Sure, Fyfe may be able to get a wider array of more “legit” female wrestlers but the fact that they film in an empty room and sell single matches for upwards of $25 make it pretty obvious that their core audience is lonely perverts with disposable income.  Not like myself though…because I’m broke as hell.  And if you think that this is objectifying talented women, don’t worry, men get objectified too!  Rumor has it that in the early days of TNA, some of the talent like Chris Harris, James Storm and Christopher Daniels earned some extra cash on the side by participating in a similar line of videos where they wrestled in an empty room marketed directly to THE GAY COMMUNITY?!?  (Trademarked by AJ Styles)

But anyways, enough of that, let’s get to the boobs…I mean, match at hand.

We start off with Traci Brooks admiring her Kurt Angle cardboard cut-out in the corner when Daffney walks up and shows off her new boobs.  Apparently this was filmed not long after her enhancement.  Traci doesn’t care, saying that hers are bigger, causing Daffney to let out a loud scream that makes me regret wearing headphones.  Damn, I wore them so that my roommates didn’t think I was a perv and now I’m deaf.  Thanks Daffney.

The two trade verbal jabs for the next minute or two, which seem like forever.  Traci knocks Daffney for not making it to TNA (at that time) and they both make fun of the referee for not having gone through puberty yet.  I’m inclined to agree.  After they stop the trash talk, the place goes silent (save for the squeaky spring of the ring) and I can hear the cameraman chomping his gum.  Professionalism!  Anyway, the two start with a knucklelock and then this happens…


Yup, they smash their boobs together.  The pain causes both of them to accuse the other of having loaded tits, not unlike Lex Luger’s loaded forearm.  But instead of a metal rod, Daffney says that Traci’s boobs are loaded with a bag of rocks…which might actually be accurate considering the quality of her boobjob.  Anyways, after more trash talking, Traci attempts to smother Daffney in her boobs with a side-headlock.  Traci then says that her boobs are so big that they could feed a starving third-world country.  I am not making this up.  I guess if an orphan is hungry enough, he would eat anything, including silicone.  Daffney reverses into her own side-headlock to give Traci a taste of her own medicine.

Traci ends up reversing the side-headlock into a hammerlock but Daffney uses the affected hand to grab her some boob and creep out Traci enough to let go of the hold.  Literally every single bit of ring psychology in this match is working over the boob.  After they hit each other with open hand slaps to the boob, which I guess is akin to a sacktap for a guy, Daffney backs Traci up into the corner and grabs her with a Boob Hip-Toss.  I’m not kidding.  Traci comes back with a pair of Titty Twisters and follows up with headbutts to the boobs before resorting to just hitting Daffney with the Kurt Angle stand-up for the first near-fall of the match.

And she got spanked with it too.  And Traci also hit her in the vag with it…well, kinda.  She was supposed to but it didn’t even come close.  The phantom vag shot wasn’t enough to put Daffney down as she kicked out of another pinfall attempt.  Traci claims not to need the Kurt Angle stand-up anymore and tosses it out of the ring, which proves to be a mistake as Daffney comes back by straight-up suffocating Traci in between her boobs, causing her to pass out and not answer the ref’s three count, crowning Daffney the winner and supposed “Boobie Belt Champion” as well.

So there you go, that’s totally…a thing that happened.  I have to say though, for a match that focused on the boobular area, it wasn’t all that tit-tilating.  There was too much crappy “comedy” in the match and the whole thing was peppered with unfunny sex jokes and loud screaming that it was difficult to get much enjoyment out of it.  And as a fan of seeing large breasts trussed up in a sports bra, particularly Daffney’s, that’s saying a lot.  Then again, as degrading as this match was, I’m still not that sure if her treatment in TNA was any less degrading.  But you know what the worst part about this whole thing is?  CM Punk has banged both of these women, possibly within a 24 hour span.  Truly he is better than all of us.