Once my previous article was published last week, I was a bit surprised to see an Editor’s Note prefacing it. I know, I know. I am reviewing the shady underbelly of wrestling but I didn’t think it was THAT bad. So, in an effort to clean up FAN for the kids, I’m going to be self-censoring myself throughout this edition of Wrestling With Extra Sleaze. And yes, I am going to be reviewing yet another episode of Women’s Extreme Wrestling. Yay.
Match 1
Tables Ladders and Chairs Match
Amanda Storm and Lady Storm w/The Smoke vs Tai Killer [ILLEGAL SUBSTANCE] and Psycho [FEMALE DOG]
Episode 4 gets the show started right away by dispensing of the crappy intro music. However, we have to deal with the crappy commentary of Eric Gargiulo and Jeffery James during the ring introductions. The dumb comments mostly come from Eric as he tries to put the Storms over as sisters, despite one being black and one being white. Maybe they’re both secret Dudleys…it’s pretty sad when my joke booking is better than WEW’s real booking. Also, Eric tries to call Amanda old by saying she came from the, and I quote, “Pally O’ Ithic Era“. Seriously, that’s how he pronounced it. This match is fairly barebones, despite being billed as a TLC Match, but starts to go downhill quickly when Lady Storm is tagged in while Amanda Storm is outside of the ring (yes, because that’s totally legal), causing a Lady Storm vs Psycho [FEMALE DOG] encounter which Eric bills as “the immovable force vs the immovable object”. *sigh* Gorilla Monsoon you are not. Holy crap this match is bad. So bad that the crowd actually chants “Boring”. When you can get this crowd to chant that, you’re doing something wrong. Amanda Storm gets the win with a roll-up that I’m not sure is a pinfall or a position from the Kama Sutra.
That’s Not PG!
Afterwards, Tai and Psycho waffle the Storms with chairs and put The Smoke through a table…by gently placing him on it. So they use the gimmicks AFTER the match? I’m confused. And for no reason whatsoever, ll of the fat members of the Mae Family, male and female, give The Smoke stinkfaces. Then Amanda Storm walks off with a ladder, just because. Wow, this was bad. Everything went wrong, nothing made sense and I really didn’t want to see that much cellulite at one time. This show is not getting off to a good start.
[ANDREW KOENIG] Count: 0 out of 4
Match 2
Lady Storm w/Amanda Storm vs Alexis Laree
And now The Storms are walking back out to the ring like nothing happened, while Eric Gargiulo reminds us of when Amanda Storm lost to Alexis Laree “last month”…which happened way back on Episode 1. Oh, so now we’re getting one of THOSE episodes that are made up of a bunch of other episodes. Please don’t make me try to make a timeline of these events, I’ve already popped enough blood vessels in my brain just by watching this crap. At least Alexis Laree is looking smoking hot tonight.
“Sop her up with a biscuit…”
This match wasn’t great by any means but mostly harmless, unlike the previous match. Just your typical underdog match with the smaller Alexis against the Amazonian Lady Storm. When Alexis collides with the ref during a reversed Irish Whip, Amanda Storm runs in and drops Alexis with a painfully botched powerbomb (resulting in a “You [FORNICATED] Up!” chant) to give Lady Storm the win. I’m willing to forgive the apparent time paradox and give this match two [ANDREW KOENIG]s.
This is gonna end well.
[ANDREW KOENIG] Count: 2 out of 4
Well, this is unexpected. I have some good news and bad news. The bad news is that from here on out, save for the main event, the rest of this Episode is lifted from Episode 2. Yup, they just took a half-hour block consisting of Alexis Laree vs Valentina, Davey Mae vs Prime Time Amy Lee and the promos in between those to matches, and just crammed them in here for no reason whatsoever. [CHEESE AND RICE], they’re not even [FUDGING] trying anymore! The good news? That means I can literally skip half of this episode! This may be the easiest review I’ve ever had to do…so why does it still hurt?
Match 3 (or 5?)
G.I. [SHORTHAND FOR PROSTITUTE] vs Amanda Storm
You! Stop smoking! This is a family-friendly review.
I must admit, for not being that good of a wrestler, G.I. [SHORTHAND FOR PROSTITUTE] (yeah, I’m not gonna keep typing that throughout this match) is in pretty great shape. And in the best bit of commentary thus far, Jeffery James compares Amanda Storm to Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden. Bravo. As the brawl soon goes out into the crowd (as is the norm with most WEW matches), Eric Gargiulo proclaims that the “wrestling gods” are watching over the ECW Arena. I thought JBL hated ECW. Suddenly, the match cuts out and we get a split second shot of Lady Storm crawling out of the ring clutching G.I.’s shirt and, of course, she’s not wearing anything underneath. Then the show ends, just like that.
This is the best I could do, pervs.
So, I don’t know, maybe this match is worth one [ANDREW KOENIG]? At least an attractive woman got topless for a fraction of a second. Bleh, whatever, I don’t even care anymore. I’m finally done with the first DVD set of WEW and I think I might take a break from it. Seriously, I need to watch some good wrestling, yet still have it be sleazy somehow.
To be continued…