The wrestling word has been abuzz at the announcement that the WWE will be getting it’s own cable channel. Even more shocking is the announcement that most of the content won’t be wrestling oriented. That begs the question what exactly will be on the airwaves. Could it be sitcoms, soap operas and/or reality shows? To help them out, I’ve come up with a few ideas of my own. Game shows, to be exact. What’s better than game shows (hint: porn)?
10 WWE Superstars from Raw and Smackdown are placed on Superstars and given one month to keep their jobs. They will be thrown in to matches with no storyline, nor will they have one during the duration of the month. If they begin to develop one, they’re eliminated.
To keep things interested, tag teams will be made at random. Once again, no story shall develop from this, nor shall the two wrestlers become acquainted. The team that lasts the longest will be eliminated, as the WWE doesn’t care about tag teams.
The winner of the game will be the last man standing. The grand prize will be an appearance on their respective brand, where they’ll either eat a Pedigree from Triple H or a Tombstone from the Undertaker. They will then be forgotten about and resume their original position; setting up catering.
WWE Breaking In
The future of this business rests solely in the hands of the young crop of wrestlers. Superstars such as Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiase and Dolph Ziggler are the stars of tomorrow. On Breaking In, we mean that literally.
Each episode, host “Mean” Gene Okerlund will pull a name out of hat. That superstar will then be given either the World or WWE Championship and a subsequent short reign. In this timeframe, they must prove themselves worthy. If they do so, they’ll be cemented as a main eventer.
This will be no easy task, though. During their reign, they will get very little screen time. When they do, they’ll be made to look like fools. The likes of John Cena and Randy Orton will get the best of them each week. Even when they defeat them in matches, it will be because of cheating or purposeful disqualification.
If they fail, they will be shafted back down to the midcard. They’ll go on a losing streak to build character and respect. If they survive that, they’ll be given either the Intercontinental or United States Championship. Just like their reign at top, they’ll mostly be forgotten about. If they can once again prevail, then they’ll get another chance to shine in the main event. If not, it’s headlining Superstars for them.
WWE Whose Gimmick Is It Anyway?
WWE Hall of Famer Drew Carey (try saying that without laughing) hosts this improvisational game show where four FCW superstars must act out gimmicks. Some will be past gimmicks, such as Mantaur, Duke “The Dumpster” Droese and The Gobbledy Gooker. Some will be new additions, such as an evil gardener, deranged scientist or the lost Olsen twin.
Other party games will take place, such as Storylines from a Hat. Carey will read out goofy storylines that the WWE Universe wrote in and the contestants must act them out. One storyline may be the search for Bigfoot, which somehow ends with the hunter discovering he/she is actually Bigfoot. Thanks to this, they must face The Great Khali in a Punjabi Prison match.
Another game will be the Irish Drinking Song. The WWE Universe will shout out topics to sing about and the contestants must do so. They must also make jokes about Sheamus and his pale skin in their act. If they can rhyme a word with mayonnaise, Wayne Brady will come out and shake their hand.
At the end of the day, none of this will amount to anything since the points don’t matter. That’s right, the points are like their careers.
WWE Family Feud
Wrestling has been filled with historic families. The Harts, Guerreros, Rougeaus and Von Erichs, just to name a few. The most famous of all would be the McMahon family. After all, Vince Sr. and Jr. helped shape what wrestling is today.
To prove this, surviving members of each family will go head to head against the McMahon clan (which will include the illustrious return of Shane from his vacation watching golf). The host, Triple H, will ask each team questions about the McMahon family, most of which the opposing family won’t know the answers to. For example, one question may be what kind of toothpaste Vince uses.
Occasionally, a question about the opposing family will surface, to give them a fighting chance. They won’t keep the points, though, as they gradually deduct with every wrong answer on the McMahon questions. If they choose to no longer participate, Triple H will spit water in their face and take away their points, anyway.
The opposing family has no chance of winning. That’s not the point of the show. The goal is to stroke Vince’s massive ego and prove that his family, and only his family, are the only ones that matter. For being such kind competitors, the opposing family will be given a gift bag to take home. Inside will be dollar bills with Vince’s face printed on them, a signed autograph from the McMahon clan and a copy of the McMahon DVD.
WWE Who’s The Boss?
Ever since Raw has been commandeered by an anonymous GM, the show has been stricken with panic and fear (as well as headaches from Michael Cole). They don’t know who to go to when they have problems, nor when one will be created for them. Unlike on Smackdown, where Teddy Long reigns with an iron fist and the superstars know what to expect. If they get out of line, they’ll go one on one with Da Undertakah, playa! If he’s not available, another giant will suffice.
That’s not the case on Raw. The superstars on that brand aren’t so lucky. Until now! Each Raw superstar will be given three guesses as to who the anonymous GM is. If you guess incorrectly all three times, the GM buzzer will go off. Then the host, Michael Cole, will berate you and call you a nerd for ten minutes straight. You can’t hit or interrupt him or else you’ll be fired.
To help out, former guest hosts will make appearances and give the contestants clues. These may only be acted out, as words are prohibited. Ever want to see Jeremy Piven play charades? Here’s your chance!
The contestant who correctly guesses who the anonymous Raw GM is will promptly be fired. Why? Nobody likes a snitch! The WWE will then forget about this occurrence and presume the anonymous Raw GM storyline as if nothing ever happened.